Andrew Dice Clay quotes

  • By the time kids are 15, they're drunks and they're drug addicts and they're getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, "What did I do wrong?" What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that's what went wrong. And you're paying the price for it.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Kids #Parent #Drug

  • I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Girl #Real #Bed

  • Being onstage and performing, the high of that, and people coming to see you, and getting to make them laugh - that's what gets me hyped up. It's a nervous excitement.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #People #Laughing #Excitement

  • I don't get up and look at e-mail. I don't even know my e-mail address. I needed one just to have a computer put on. But I never, ever even thought of going to it. It's just not what I'm about. I just don't want to waste my life with it. It's just too much; I think people are just a little too absorbed in all of that.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Thinking #People #Looks

  • I have no problem today letting people know I'm part of what they live. That's why I know about the things that make people the ***** they are. They have no choice but to be part of it.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #People #Choices #Today

  • You walk into my bedroom at night, it looks like a nightclub. There's all kinds of lighting effects, there's all kinds of music. I want them to feel like they're in for a show. I believe in romance.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Believe #Night #Romance

  • I just love the whole art form of acting, of being in front of a camera and playing different things. Not that I would ever say I'm the greatest actor in the world, but I am capable of playing different kinds of roles that emotionally I could get into.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Art #Acting #Cameras

  • I'll always push myself because that's the journey of life. We do go through things. Some of it's incredibly great and some of it's really bad.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Journey #Life Journey

  • When you're at your own parents' funeral, when you're at somebody that you love's funeral, you realize how precious life is. And you say, "As long as I can walk and I'm healthy, there's always tomorrow."
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Long #Funeral #Parent

  • Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That's the odd thing about my stand-up. I am very confident. I always was.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #People #Odd Things #Doe

  • As long as you can walk the street and you know there's a tomorrow, there's always that chance. That's how I've always been. I've always had complete belief that I would make something out of myself again, because to me, it's always been about accomplishment.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Long #Accomplishment #Chance

  • I think that a lot of men, especially once they're married, feel like their girl is just who she is, so don't treat her too special. They shut her off, and having sex before you go to bed is like a sleeping pill. I always say, you're supposed to remember the reason you even asked that girl out.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Girl #Sex #Sleep

  • If you hide what you really are, then there's going to be problems in marriage down the road. I don't mind if a girl is aggressive. It's just sex.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Girl #Sex #Mind

  • When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Directors #Producers

  • I've always had my voice as a comic. I was never that into politics, or prop comedy.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Voice #Comedy #Comic

  • I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Animal #People #World

  • People have always been animals when it comes to sex. But since the Internet, it's become really out of control, in my opinion.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Sex #Animal #People

  • My mother was the one who totally got behind me as far as, do things and ask questions later. My father would say, "I don't care how dirty you are up there, just be funny." Because they knew me offstage. They knew I was a good guy. They knew my whole plan of becoming the most exciting comedian, visually, ever. A real rock-and-roll stand-up comic.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Mother #Father #Real

  • Comics, as good as they might be, they didn't know much about performance. There aren't too many comics you could watch for an hour without getting tired. They might have good material, but it's about theater to me.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Tired #Watches #Might

  • When I got into comedy, which was really for acting, I would see the guys who would be considered great today. They were great, but after a few minutes I could get kind of bored because they wouldn't move around. The dress code was boring to me. I didn't want to see the guy next door when I'm watching a performer. I wanted to see someone I would pay a ticket for.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Moving #Doors #Bored

  • I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Blow #Years #Water

  • Women are now more aggressive than men! And I don't put them down for it. I think it's great. My attitude with sex with any woman I've ever been with is, I want you to be exactly who you want to be behind closed doors. Don't ever hold back with me.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Sex #Attitude #Men

  • Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you're playing.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Character #Jeans #Feelings

  • There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Kids #Shoes #Uterus

  • Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Boys #Blue #Littles

  • I'm a Brooklyn guy onstage, and I try to really feed my fans with the kind of material they expect from me.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Guy #Trying #Fans

  • I lived in Beverly Hills for years. I always had a line, 'I hate the rich.' From what I witnessed after living there for 15 years, these people just don't raise their kids. I used to see the lineup of cars in front of the schools and it was all the nannies.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Hate #School #Kids

  • I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Football #Sex #Gay

  • I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Thinking #Care #Trouble

  • I want to be able to make people laugh as hard as they possibly can, and I really think they need that.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Thinking #People #Laughing

  • I just like to make people laugh.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #People #Laughing #Making People Laugh

  • I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Thinking #Make You Think

  • I do whatever I do. I go to the club. I work on material. While other people are sleeping, I'm awake. I always liked that. I like being able to drive when there's no traffic. It's almost like you own the street at night.
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Sleep #Night #People

  • I certainly don't walk around my home or being with my family and just using profane language all the time, but on stage, it's a constant,
    -- Andrew Dice Clay

    #Home #Language #My Family