All GEORGE CARLIN Quotes about “Comedy”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.”
“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”
“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
“You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”
“The status quo sucks.”
“Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.”
“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”
“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?”
“If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.”
“I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line... I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me.”
“I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.”
“If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.”
“There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.”
“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”
“Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.”
“Always do whatever's next.”
“I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.”
“I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.”
“I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.”
“Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.”
“One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.”
“At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.”

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