Milton Berle Quotes and Sayings - Page 1

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“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
-- Milton Berle

#Funny #Hilarious #Mom
“A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"”
-- Milton Berle

#Funny #Witty #Jobs
“I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.”
-- Milton Berle

#Husband #Interesting #Feels
“Laughter is an instant vacation.”
-- Milton Berle

#Love #Family #Happiness
“This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"”
-- Milton Berle

#Christmas #Sleep #Men
“Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.”
-- Milton Berle

#Funny #Witty #Humorous
“The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.”
-- Milton Berle

#Hilarious #Book #Library
“My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.”
-- Milton Berle

#Funny #Running #Health
“Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.”
-- Milton Berle

#Marriage #Men #Wife
“Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.”
-- Milton Berle

#White #Order #Bread
“Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.”
-- Milton Berle

#Hilarious #Silly #Men
“It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.”
-- Milton Berle

#Christmas #Today #Tomorrow
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?”
-- Milton Berle

#Funny #Money #Income
“A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.”
-- Milton Berle

#Love #Marriage #Husband
“When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"”
-- Milton Berle

#Education #Teacher #Crazy
“The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.”
-- Milton Berle

#Education #Teaching #School
“Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.”
-- Milton Berle

#Life #Land #America
“For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.”
-- Milton Berle

#Education #Teaching #Intelligence
“They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.”
-- Milton Berle

#Funny #Witty #Mistake
“It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!”
-- Milton Berle

#Money
“Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?”
-- Milton Berle

#Sarcastic #Running #Men
“If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.”
-- Milton Berle

#Inspirational #Change #Positive
“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”
-- Milton Berle

#Funny #Witty #Time
“I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”
-- Milton Berle

#Love #Inspiring #Encouraging
“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.”
-- Milton Berle

#Funny #Inspiring #Graduation
“A thing of beauty is a job forever.”
-- Milton Berle

#Beauty #Jobs #Forever
“My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.”
-- Milton Berle

#Marriage #Running #Perfect
“Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.”
-- Milton Berle

#Law #Practice #Giving
“I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.”
-- Milton Berle

#Valentine #Doors #Wife
“At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.”
-- Milton Berle

#Women #Two #Years

Top 25 Quotes By Milton Berle Of 123 A Z Quotes

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Milton Berle S Quote About Opportunity If Opportunity Doesn T Knock Build

Top 20 Milton Berle Quotes Positive Quotes Top Quotes Inspiration Positive Quotes Background

Milton Berle If Opportunity Doesn T Knock Build A Door

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