Pat Paulsen Quotes and Sayings - Page 1

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“Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Rights #Should #Murderer
“Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Country #Circles #Wings
“I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Wings #Bird #Middle
“On the issue of inflation, I think I could solve it no matter how much money it took.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Thinking #Issues #Matter
“The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Running #Government #Half
“I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Song #Brother #Moving
“We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Beautiful #Land #Effort
“Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Wine #Tired #Sick
“If elected, I will win.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Winning #I Will Win
“As I've always said: The future lies ahead.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Lying #Said
“I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Fall #Wine #Bags
“So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Eye #Growing #Realizing
“Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Wine #People #Dry
“All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Government #Immigration #United States
“I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Standards
“The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Fire #Tree #Forests
“Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Shallow
“If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Gun #Enough
“It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Baby #Kissing #Hands
“Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Wine #White #House
“I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Thinking #Alive #Want
“People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?'”
-- Pat Paulsen

#People #Hey #Bars
“In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Sex #Kids #Today
“Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Running #White #House
“Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#President #Mess
“I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Song #Men #Years
“In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Growing Up #Boys #America
“Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Debt #Why Not #National Debt
“I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Wine #Eye #People
“You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.”
-- Pat Paulsen

#Credit #Lasts #Needs

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