Jordan Sonnenblick Quotes and Sayings - Page 1
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“Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly. Mom! What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“I’ll probably just stand in a corner, trying not to be noticed, until the decoration committee accidentally packs me into a box at the end of the night. There I will lie, crammed in between rolls of crepe paper, until the New Year’s dance two months from now. Jeffrey thought about this for a moment and said, Won’t they notice the box is too heavy when they go to put it away?”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
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“Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get any complaint calls, OK? Steven, I don’t throw food at…oh, that was a joke, right? Yup, buddy boy. It was a joke. But seriously, no kissing the nurses on the lips, either. It messes up their makeup. Eeeeeeewwwww!”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.77, Scholastic Inc.
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“If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.81, Scholastic Inc.
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“Mr. Watras asked me whether I was practicing, and I told him I was practicing my tissue basketball skills.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.82, Scholastic Inc.
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“I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.86, Scholastic Inc.
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“This was the kid who used to toddle over to my bed at 6 o’ clock in the morning every weekend morning to pull on my blankets so I’d get up and watch cartoons with him. This was the kid who once made me play Hungry Hungry Hippos for an hour straight, until I thought my hands were going to fall off from slamming down those dumb little levers to make the hippos’ heads move. This was the kid who had spent an entire days at a time begging me to play Chutes and Ladders with him. And now he was feeling too sick to play with me.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.120, Scholastic Inc.
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“Not, like, that, boychik, you sound like a herd of elephants charging through a music store.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Notes From The Midnight Driver”, p.248, Scholastic Inc.
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“Instead of agonizing about the things you can't change, why don't you try working on the things you can change”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.105, Scholastic Inc.
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“Who’s that? That’s the King. Who’s he? The Duke. Who’s she? The Princess. What do they call you? The Count. What does that make me? Umm…how about the Peasant? And the name stuck.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey? Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.15, Scholastic Inc.
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“He also said that if anyone did anything to mess up the rest of the testing, he was going to call 911 personally. Yeah, like that wouldn't make it into the nightly news again: WHEELCHAIR-BOUND CANCER PATIENT ARRESTED FOR FREE SPEECH.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“There are really no guidelines whatsoever, because this is the kind of thing that only happens to ME.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2006). “Notes from the Midnight Driver”
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“...my little blurb wasn't going to win me any speaker-of-the-year awards, but at least I hadn't tripped and fallen off the stage, crushing and killing three elderly jazz fans.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“He said he "admired our courage" but didn't want to see us do anything to "damage our promising futures." He felt "proud as an American" that we had "exercised our right to peaceful free expression." But if we did it again, he didn't "know what action the state board of education might take against individual students." Translation: You've had your fun. Now sit down, shut up, and take the freakin' test. Or else.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
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“Oh, good lord, Jeff. Don't go getting all emotional on me. I've been getting it from my mom, my dad, my sister, the freaking MAILMAN--I don't need it from you, too. All I ask is that you promise me one thing.' 'What?' 'Just water the plants while I'm gone, all right?' 'You don't have plants, Tad.' 'I know. I just always wanted to say that.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I'm a cancer survivor. Person #1: And how's that working out for you? Me: Well, you see, I, uh, used to have leukemia. Person #2: Dude, how come you're not, like, BALD? Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I had acute lymphocytic lymphoma when I was five. Person #3: Whoa. THAT must'a sucked. I once had my tonsils out...”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2011). “After Ever After”, p.54, Scholastic Inc.
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“Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?' 'Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just...I mean, Tad was...uh, nope.' 'So what were you guys talking about?' 'Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing...umm...hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.' 'There's another kind?' Lindsey asked. 'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2012). “After Ever After”, p.53, Scholastic Inc.
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“And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.135, Scholastic Inc.
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“But nobody ever tells you in advance when you should concentrate on the good times-that's why you're supposed to do it every day.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2011). “After Ever After”, p.247, Scholastic Inc.
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“It was a cheesy cheeseball, covered with Cheez Whiz and served on a bed of Cheez-Its. With a side of queso.”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2012). “After Ever After”, p.101, Scholastic Inc.
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“Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls”
-- Jordan SonnenblickSource : Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.148, Scholastic Inc.
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“The only time I can ever remember Steven crying over any of it was after my treatment, when I tried to use my foot on his bass drum pedal, and we realized I could never play a drum set.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
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“Or maybe...their biggest fear is that they will get close to you again, and you'll go and drop dead.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick -
“Some kids do drugs. Some kids light stuff on fire. Me, I eat oats.”
-- Jordan Sonnenblick
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