Russell Howard Quotes and Sayings - Page 1

“The Bible says gays arent natural. What, and a talking snake is?!”
-- Russell Howard

#Gay #Snakes #Talking
“Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'”
-- Russell Howard

#Funny #Queens #Gone
“'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'”
-- Russell Howard

#Funny #Police #Monsters
“So my mum bought a jacuzzi, and I was in there along with my father and my sister, when my mother decided it would be the ideal moment to say - 'Guess what everyone in this jacuzzi has in common? You've all sucked on my tits.'”
-- Russell Howard

#Funny #Mother #Father
“If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.”
-- Russell Howard

#Funny #Sex #Taken
“Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.”
-- Russell Howard

#Moving #Mean #Wife

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