Why are men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
In arguments a woman has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? -- Who cares? They never get the house anyway.
A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him whose?
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Friday is my second favorite F word.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. So now you know why they call this a workstation.
Tell your boss what you think of him, and the truth shall set you free.
How long have I been working for the company? Ever since they threatened to fire me.
I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
Nothing ruins a Friday more than realizing that today is Tuesday.