A well-educated friend of mine with three advanced degrees can say “I’m unemployed” in six languages.
Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.
We never knew he was a drunk until he showed up to work sober.
A healthy nap not only makes you feel better, it also shortens the workday.
I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
I pretend to work here, they pretend to pay me.
Try Milk of Amnesia – when you need to forget
Red ship crashes into blue ship – sailors marooned.
Me…a skeptic? I trust you have proof