Michael McIntyre quotes
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“My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep with...she read hers out and there were no surprises...1 George Clooney...2 Brad Pitt etc...I thought 'Ive got the better deal here'...1 Your sister”
-- Michael McIntyre -
“I've got a little baby, I made him...He doesn't speak, he's 2...He's a slow learner, he's only got 2 words...car and map...I'm slightly worried he's trying to escape. If his next word is passport we are in serious trouble!”
-- Michael McIntyre -
“Normally you have news, weather and travel.....but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel.”
-- Michael McIntyre -
“They had to ask spain I think, they've had to say to Spain, can you lend us some stuff for the roads, and it's Gordon Brown phoning up going 'pass the salt'”
-- Michael McIntyre -
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“So you're mother? Nice to put a name to a face.”
-- Michael McIntyreSource : "Michael McIntyre" by Brian Logan, www.theguardian.com. October 11, 2007.
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“I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.”
-- Michael McIntyre -
“There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity.”
-- Michael McIntyre
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“In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.”
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“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”
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“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.”
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“Why bother with Google when I have a wife who knows everything about everything!”
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“It drives me nuts how I rely on my wife for everything. I can't imagine a day without her!”
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