Stewart Francis quotes
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“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.”
-- Stewart Francis -
“Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.”
-- Stewart FrancisSource : Stewart Francis (2013). “Pun Direction”, p.91, Hachette UK
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“I went to a Karaoke Bar last night that didn't play any 70s music, at first I was afriad, oh I was petrified”
-- Stewart Francis -
“My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles... which sounds so much better than "alcoholic."”
-- Stewart Francis -
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“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!”
-- Stewart FrancisSource : "Edinburgh fringe's 10 funniest jokes revealed" by Mark Brown, www.theguardian.com. August 21, 2012.
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“You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.”
-- Stewart FrancisSource : "Edinburgh fringe's 10 funniest jokes revealed" by Mark Brown, www.theguardian.com. August 21, 2012.
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“So what if I can't spell Armaggedon? ... it's not the end of the world.”
-- Stewart Francis -
“So what if I cant spell Armageddon, its not the end of the world.”
-- Stewart Francis -
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“Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me”
-- Stewart Francis -
“My father is schizophrenia, but he's good people.”
-- Stewart Francis -
“Allyson Smith reminds me of a younger, prettier, funnier me. Now if you'll excuse me, the ladies from my bridge club have arrived.”
-- Stewart Francis -
“I don't think lesbians should be allowed to use dildos, afterall they've made their choice”
-- Stewart Francis -
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“I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice.”
-- Stewart Francis
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