Jay London quotes
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“My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.”
-- Jay London -
“A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.”
-- Jay London -
“I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.”
-- Jay London -
“I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights”
-- Jay London -
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“It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes”
-- Jay London -
“My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings”
-- Jay London -
“I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?”
-- Jay London -
“I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.”
-- Jay London -
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“His puppyhood was a period of foolish rebellion. He was always worsted, but he fought back because it was his nature to fight back. And he was unconquerable.”
-- Jay London -
“I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.”
-- Jay London -
“I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.”
-- Jay London -
“I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.”
-- Jay London -
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“I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.”
-- Jay London -
“You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart,”
-- Jay LondonSource : "Half-Truths, Non-Truths, and Louis C.K." by David Haglund, www.newyorker.com. January 28, 2015.
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“I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.”
-- Jay London -
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“After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.”
-- Jay London -
“My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.”
-- Jay London -
“A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.”
-- Jay London -
“I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.”
-- Jay London -
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“They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.”
-- Jay London -
“I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.”
-- Jay London -
“I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.”
-- Jay London -
“I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.”
-- Jay London -
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“Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.”
-- Jay London -
“I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.”
-- Jay London
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