Bill Bailey quotes
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“It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'”
-- Bill Bailey -
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“Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.”
-- Bill BaileySource : "Part Troll". Documentary, Comedy, 2004.
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“I'm English and, as such, I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!!”
-- Bill Bailey -
“(Imitating a Belarus citizen commenting on their national flag) Stupid National Anthem....Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit”
-- Bill Bailey -
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“What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.”
-- Bill Bailey -
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“There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.”
-- Bill BaileySource : "Bill Bailey: Part Troll". Documentary, Comedy, Music, 2004.
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“Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit”
-- Bill Bailey -
“American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.”
-- Bill Bailey -
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“Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard”
-- Bill Bailey -
“I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment ! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.”
-- Bill BaileySource : "Bewilderness". Documentary, Comedy, 2001.
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“I'm a post-modern vegetarian. I eat meat ironically.”
-- Bill Bailey -
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“Marijuana? It's harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it”
-- Bill Bailey -
“I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all...”
-- Bill Bailey -
“Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.”
-- Bill Bailey -
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“I'm quite lucky, because I've got a small, decorative concrete pig.”
-- Bill Bailey -
“It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still”
-- Bill Bailey
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