Dana Gould quotes
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“We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.”
-- Dana Gould -
“We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right”
-- Dana Gould -
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“Being funny is not the same as being happy.”
-- Dana Gould -
“Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.”
-- Dana Gould -
“That which does not kill you isn't finished.”
-- Dana Gould -
“Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.”
-- Dana Gould -
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“The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.”
-- Dana Gould -
“Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.”
-- Dana Gould -
“Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?”
-- Dana Gould -
“Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.”
-- Dana Gould -
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“My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.”
-- Dana Gould -
“In the midst of all the candy and commercialism, let's not lose sight of the true meaning of Halloween: tree worship and animal sacrifice.”
-- Dana Gould -
“The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.”
-- Dana Gould -
“59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.”
-- Dana Gould -
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“Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.”
-- Dana Gould -
“Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.”
-- Dana Gould#Alzheimer's Quotes #Forget Everything Quotes #Grudge Quotes
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“Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.”
-- Dana Gould -
“Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.”
-- Dana Gould -
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“There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.”
-- Dana Gould -
“When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.”
-- Dana Gould -
“What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.”
-- Dana Gould -
“A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.”
-- Dana Gould -
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“A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.”
-- Dana Gould -
“When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.”
-- Dana Gould -
“When homeless people go camping, how do they know?”
-- Dana Gould
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