Robert Orben quotes
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“If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”
-- Robert OrbenSource : "They Said What?". Manly Daily, August 05, 2008.
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“To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.”
-- Robert OrbenSource : "Hitting Your Peak: Financial Strength" by Ryan Murphy, www.askmen.com.
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“Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'”
-- Robert Orben -
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“Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.”
-- Robert Orben -
“The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world”
-- Robert Orben -
“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.”
-- Robert OrbenSource : "A Few Tips for the Graduates". The Topeka Capital-Journal, abcnews.go.com. May 20, 2007.
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“Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.”
-- Robert OrbenSource : Robert Orben (2012). “2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches”, p.309, Doubleday
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“I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?”
-- Robert Orben -
“Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.”
-- Robert Orben -
“A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.”
-- Robert OrbenSource : "Local Legal Eagle Stages Sendup". The Denver Post, April 27, 2008.
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“Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”
-- Robert Orben -
“There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.”
-- Robert OrbenSource : "Waiting to Inhale: Don't Take a Breath Without the Report From Our Air Pollution Control District". The San Diego Union-Tribune, January 31, 2008.
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“Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!”
-- Robert Orben -
“Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“When we laugh we temporarily give ourselves over to the person who makes us laugh.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Humor gives presidents the chance to be seen as warm, relaxed persons. Humor reaches out and puts its arm around the listener and says, 'I am one of you, I understand,' and implicitly it promises, 'I will do something about your problems.”
-- Robert Orben -
“It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.”
-- Robert Orben -
“We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!”
-- Robert Orben -
“The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Noise pollution is a relative thing. In a city, it's a jet plane taking off. In a monastery, it's a pen that scratches.”
-- Robert OrbenSource : Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.266, Doubleday
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“I don't see why religion and science can't cooperate. What's wrong with using a computer to count our blessings?”
-- Robert Orben#Blessing Quotes #Computer Quotes #Science And Religion Quotes
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“A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.”
-- Robert Orben -
“I don't want to say anything about my kids...but I go to PTA meetings under an assumed name!”
-- Robert Orben -
“Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Do you realize that in the past sixty years, the only foreigners the French have been able to drive out are American tourists?”
-- Robert Orben -
“Lincoln was known to have walked miles to borrow books, to get the most rudimentary form of education. So what do we do on his birthday? We close the schools!”
-- Robert Orben -
“They say kids today don't know the value of a dollar. They certainly do know the value of a dollar. That's why they ask for five.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."”
-- Robert Orben -
“I value people with a conscience. It's like a beeper from God.”
-- Robert Orben -
“I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“Nowadays, you cannot be a very Effective political figure without Having a demonstrable sense of humor. People take to it.”
-- Robert Orben -
“I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.”
-- Robert Orben -
“It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.”
-- Robert Orben -
“My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.”
-- Robert Orben -
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“The Playboy Calendar this year has some tiptop models. Any more top and they'd tip.”
-- Robert Orben -
“Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.”
-- Robert Orben -
“I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature.”
-- Robert Orben -
“If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?”
-- Robert Orben -
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“Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?”
-- Robert Orben -
“Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.”
-- Robert Orben -
“I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.”
-- Robert Orben -
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