Bernard Manning quotes

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”
-- Bernard Manning

#Christmas Quotes #Kids Quotes #Batteries Quotes

“I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.”
-- Bernard Manning

#Mother Quotes #Self Quotes #Law Quotes

“You are what you eat.....I've eaten so many fat ***** you wouldn't believe”
-- Bernard Manning

#Believe Quotes #Fats Quotes

“We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.”
-- Bernard Manning

Source : "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

#Funny Quotes #Witty Quotes #Sleep Quotes

“I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.”
-- Bernard Manning

Source : "Bernard Manning has his last laugh" by Mark Tran, www.theguardian.com. June 18, 2007.

#Sex Quotes #Men Quotes #Rejected Quotes

“I once got sacked for laughing ... mind you, I was driving a hearse at the time.”
-- Bernard Manning

Source : "Bernard Manning has his last laugh" by Mark Tran, www.theguardian.com. June 18, 2007.

#Laughing Quotes #Mind Quotes #Driving Quotes

“If you want to drink, have a drink... if you want to drive, then drive... there's nothing worse than having a smash sober.”
-- Bernard Manning

#Want Quotes #Sober Quotes #Drink Quotes

“I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.”
-- Bernard Manning

#Silly Quotes #Thinking Quotes #Years Quotes

“Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.”
-- Bernard Manning

“Washington's birthday is as close to a secular Christmas as any Christian country dare come this side of blasphemy.”

“God bless you and utterly satisfy your heart...with Himself.”

“I'm sure most of us remember being a kid and you have all of this endless time where two weeks before Christmas feels like ten years. I used to go to bed to try and go to sleep to try and make it go faster.”

“Kids are dying from causes of sexual activity. You're not going to find a tombstone stating that Frankie died because he was a virgin.”

“As a kid, I always wanted to obviously win a Super Bowl. Now that I've got one, it's like, 'Now what?' Let's go get another one!”

“I didn't grow up a theatre kid, going to theatre camps. I played sports, and that was my main direction. But luckily, I never had to choose between sports and theatre.”

“I'm one of five kids and we lived on a massive farm in New South Wales with my mum and dad.”

“The liquid metal battery story is more than an account of inventing technology. It's a blueprint for inventing inventors.”

“In a wristwatch, imagine the battery is in the strap and there's a medical sensor in there connected to the internet. If someone is monitoring that, they could phone up if the user has forgotten to take some medication. This could save hundreds of dollars in medical fees later. What's missing? It's a stable battery.”

Source : "The beauty of bendable batteries" by Alok Jha, www.theguardian.com. February 23, 2005.

“My mobile phone battery runs out all the time because all the messages come straight to me.”