Jason Mulgrew famous quotes

My dad and I are very different people. For example, he's been stabbed; I'm afraid of bugs. He's a mechanic; I once had to exchange a "broken" rental car because I didn't realize I was driving around with the parking brake on. I could keep going, but you get it.
-- Jason Mulgrew

#Dad #People #Broken

When you're younger and dumber, as a guy, you do things because you think you have to, because that's how things are done. You wait the standard three days to call, you don't approach the beautiful girl at the bar because you automatically assume she's out of your league, you'd rather jump in a swimming pool filled with jellyfish than tell a woman that you have feelings for her, etc.
-- Jason Mulgrew

#Beautiful #Girl #Swimming

When you get older, you realize something: all those stupid mores and customs related to how a man should comport himself in the "game" of courtship are just that - stupid. Age affords you this blend of apathy and confidence - with a little bit of wisdom thrown in - that allows you to say, "Hey, I am attracted that girl over there, so I'm going to introduce myself. If it doesn't work out, that's fine. If it does, terrific. Either way, I lose nothing for trying."
-- Jason Mulgrew

#Girl #Stupid #Men

I'm really only capable to two emotions at this point: lust and hunger. I lost revenge a few years back, and even then, it was reserved only for ex-girlfriends and particular football games that caused me to lose a lot of money.
-- Jason Mulgrew

#Football #Girlfriend #Revenge

The first rule of PR is to get out in front of the story, and I think I was practicing that. It was also a weapon. I was also fortunate, despite being fat and nerdy, that I was never bullied. I could jump out in front, I was like, "Before you call me fat, do you have any extra mayonnaise?"
-- Jason Mulgrew

#Thinking #Bullied #Call Me

Before I realized I had faults, I was already joking about it, to get attention. By the time I went to high school, I had a pretty practiced routine down.
-- Jason Mulgrew

#School #High School #Attention

The short version is that I started an internet diary a long, long time ago (six years!) because I was bored with my job. I figured I would write a few funny things a few times a week until I had enough material to do stand-up. After two or three weeks, I emailed it to some friends. They emailed it to other friends, and more people started reading. Eventually, I realized that stand-up was scary and it would be much easier to just keep writing this stuff at work.
-- Jason Mulgrew

#Jobs #Reading #Writing

The book is not a cut-and-paste job. Yeah, I have a blog, but the material in the book is all new. The blog deals with my life now, whereas as the book starts a few years before my birth until right about the end of junior high. And yes, I am contractually obliged to mention this as much as possible (each time I do, HarperCollins sends me a free pizza).
-- Jason Mulgrew

#Jobs #Book #Cutting

My dad is a chemical engineer, and my mom was a teacher. They were pretty serious about education, but I always thought about things a little bit differently.

I was a coin collector.I didn't know I was nerdy at the time until I felt my 16-D Mercury Dime that was in uncirculated condition might be a panty dropper, and it turned out not to be. Then I stumbled into skateboarding, which kind of was cooler. But I wasn't aware of what was cool. My dad wasn't around so he couldn't shake me and say, 'Drop the coin collecting bit. It's not where you want to go.' So, that and the spelling bee and the chess, I think I had it figured out for myself.

What I want to be best at is being a dad. There's no room for sucky dads, and that's another thing I'm proud of my bandmates for - they're all really good parents.

Like most parents, I've been stumped by homework, the big questions, such as: 'What is the point of geography - the pilot always knows where we are going?'. Answer: 'If you didn't know any geography, people would think you were an American, and you wouldn't be able to put them right because you wouldn't know where they live.'

We must see what in the Israeli identity - in the Israeli - we can give to other people rather than speaking so often of taking, expanding territory.

The question of boundaries is a major question of the Jewish people because the Jews are the great experts of crossing boundaries. They have a sense of identity inside themselves that doesn't permit them to cross boundaries with other people.

Major sports are major parts of society. It's not anomalous to have people who love sports come from other parts of that society.

The bells they sound on Bredon, And still the steeples hum. "Come all to church, good people"- Oh, noisy bells, be dumb; I hear you, I will come.

Oh what a wonderful soul so bright inside you. Got power to heal the sun’s broken heart, power to restore the moon’s vision too.

I turn to right and left, in all the earth I see no signs of justice, sense or worth: A man does evil deeds, and all his days Are filled with luck and universal praise; Another's good in all he does - he dies A wretched, broken man whom all despise.