I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
I bet reading a book about anti-gravity is impossible to put down.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
People who say they suffer from constipation are full of crap.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry-day.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
What are you gonna be for halloween? Drunk!
[On the other hand] Where do mummies go for a swim? The dead sea.