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“Lawyers love paper. They eat, sleep and dream paper. They turn paper into gold, and their files are colorful and their language neoclassical and calli-graphically bewigged.”
Source : Karl Jay Shapiro, Richard O'Barry (1990). “Poet: An Autobiography in Three Parts”
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“Angels are those beings who have been on an earth like this, and have passed through the same ordeals that we are now passing through. They have kept their first estate far enough to preserve themselves in the Priesthood. They did not so violate the law of the Priesthood and condemn themselves to the sin against the Holy Ghost as to be finally lost. They are not crowned with the celestial ones. They are persons who have lived upon an earth, but did not magnify the Priesthood in that high degree that many others have done who have become Gods, even the sons of God.”
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“It would be very hard to bring a wife to Afghanistan. In America, I'd have no problem with her doing whatever she wanted, but in Afghanistan, that's not the case.”
Source : "A Tale of Two Countries". Interview with Clara Jeffery, www.motherjones.com. December 2005. 
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“The horrible truth is that I am lazy and I am going to write and do bits that just hand themselves to me.”
Source : "John Hodgman Talks to Al Madrigal About The Daily Show and Al's Stand-Up Special". Interview with John Hodgman, www.vulture.com. April 26, 2013.
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“Social life is filled with doubts and vain aspirings; solitude, when the imagination is dethroned, is turned to weariness and ennui.”
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“If I pop everyone who calls me a diva then I'm going to spend the rest of my life in prison.”
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“Cheap! But not as cheap as your girlfriend.”
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“How can life be worth living, if devoid Of the calm trust reposed by friend in friend? What sweeter joy than in the kindred soul, Whose converse differs not from self-communion?”
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“As far as humanity is concerned the origin of stupidity is itself.”
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“The softest, freest, most pliable and changeful living substance is the brain-the hardest and most iron-bound as well.”
