Christopher Titus quotes
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“Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“I lost 28 pounds in my divorce…because that's what a soul weighs.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.”
-- Christopher Titus -
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“Abortion is an atrocity. Those who practice or praise it are either damn idiots, misguided fools, or treacherous devils.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“I bet a guy at a bar 50 bucks that I was more dysfunctional than he was. He raped me. So I tipped him. I'm very competitive.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“And one more thing I want to be clear about- I know who I am. I am just a very thin layer of charming with some funny sprinkles wrapped around a huge creamy center of raging arrogant a-hole. I got it.”
-- Christopher Titus -
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“I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“The normal make a living. The deranged make history.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“You know what, man? I am going to literally — if (Palin) gets elected president, I am going to hang out on the grassy knoll all the time, just loaded and ready — because you know what? It’s for my country. It’s for my country. If I got to sacrifice myself, it’s for my country.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“My father never missed a drink in his life. Or a joint. Or a party. Or a chance to get laid. He also never missed a day of work, or a house payment, or a car payment. I never went hungry, although he did a couple of times so I wouldn't.”
-- Christopher Titus -
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“Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“God bless America. But God, please help Canada.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.”
-- Christopher Titus -
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“No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“Revenge is good. It's what separates us from the animals and the hippies.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.”
-- Christopher Titus -
“The government favors the most diplomatic language. That's why any letter to them should always start with, "Dear turkeys and foul maggots..."”
-- Christopher Titus -
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“We are brought into this world cold, weak, and helpless. Then it gets worse.”
-- Christopher Titus
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