Joe Diffie famous quotes

I can walk the line, if it ain't too straight.
-- Joe Diffie

#Alcohol #Drug #Lines

She thinks that he looks like Elvis, when he runs his fingers through that jet black hair.
-- Joe Diffie

#Running #Thinking #Hair

They got love bigger than the Beatles, wild and free like the Rolling Stones.
-- Joe Diffie

#Rolling #Stones #Rolling Stones

Fix me up with a mannequin, just remember I like blondes. I'll be the life of the party, even when I'm dead and gone.
-- Joe Diffie

#Party #Gone #Remember

Sometimes in public you don't feel like being "on." But it's OK. It beats working anyday.
-- Joe Diffie

#Sometimes #Beats #Feels

Pour me something tall and strong, make it a Hurricane before I go insane. It's only half past twelve but I don't care, it's 5 O'clock somewhere.

There was a thing called Heaven; but all the same they used to drink enormous quantities of alcohol.

I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.

Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.

There is no such thing as recreational drug use.

I don’t take drugs because if I did I’d love them–I’d be a junkie. And because I’m Jewish, I’d probably be a dealer, too.

Hug me till you drug me, honey; Kiss me till I'm in a coma.

You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.

There is really no crisis except an artificial one...If the great American people will only keep their temper, on both sides of the line, the trouble will come to an end.

They (Liverpool players) are passing the cup down the line like a new born baby. Although when they are back in the dressing room they will probably fill it with champagne, something you should never do to a baby.