Catch 22 Important Quotes:

They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.159, Simon and Schuster

topic: Catch 22 Important

That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed. It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.

- Joseph Heller

source: Catch-22 (1961) ch. 5 (the first chapter of this novel was published as Catch-18 in New World Writing (1955) No. 7 - see Kiley and MacDonald "Catch-22" Casebook (1973) 294)

topic: Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

Major Major never sees anyone in his office while he's in his office.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.107, Simon and Schuster

topic: Office, Catch 22 Important, Majors

There was only one catch and that was Catch22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask, and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.

- Joseph Heller

source: Catch-22 ch. 5 (1961).

topic: Crazy, Real, Safety, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

The enemy," retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, "is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.122, Simon and Schuster

topic: Enemy, Might, Matter, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead.

- Joseph Heller

topic: War, Winning, Differences, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

Clevinger was a troublemaker and a wise guy. Lieutenant Scheisskopf knew that Clevinger might cause even more trouble if he wasn't watched. Yesterday it was the cadet officers; tomorrow it might be the world. Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskopf had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times. Such men were dangerous, and even the new cadet officers whom Clevinger had helped into office were eager to give damning testimony against him. The case against Clevinger was open and shut. The only thing missing was something to charge him with.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.75, Simon and Schuster

topic: Wise, Smart, Men, Catch 22 Important, Wise Guy

It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice. Anybody could do it; it required no brains at all. It merely required no character.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.336, Simon and Schuster

topic: Character, Humility, Justice, Impotence, Sadism

They're trying to kill me," Yossarian told him calmly. No one's trying to kill you," Clevinger cried. Then why are they shooting at me?" Yossarian asked. They're shooting at everyone," Clevinger answered. "They're trying to kill everyone." And what difference does that make?

- Joseph Heller

topic: Differences, Trying, Doe, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

-You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You're dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and shot!

- Joseph Heller

source: "Catch-22". Book by Joseph Heller, ch. 27, p. 309, 1961.

topic: Military, Taken, Tradition, Catch 22 Important

What is a country? A country is a piece of land surrounded on all sides by boundaries, usually unnatural. Englishmen are dying for England, Americans are dying for America, Germans are dying for Germany, Russians are dying for Russia. There are now fifty or sixty countries fighting in this war. Surely so many countries can't all be worth dying for.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Country, War, Fighting, Catch 22 Important

I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning

- Joseph Heller

topic: Dark, Night, Knives, Catch 22 Important, Sneaky

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private individuals.

- Joseph Heller

source: 1961 Milo Minderbinder. Catch-22, ch.24.

topic: Peace, War, Government, Catch 22 Important, Evils Of War

History did not demand Yossarian's premature demise, justice could be satisfied without it, progress did not hinge upon it, victory did not depend on it. That men would die was a matter of necessity; WHICH men would die, though, was a matter of circumstance, and Yossarian was willing to be the victim of anything but circumstance. But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.72, Simon and Schuster

topic: Children, War, Men, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

When I look up, I see people cashing in. I don't see heaven or saints or angels. I see people cashing in on every decent impulse and every human tragedy.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Angel, People, Heaven, Catch 22 Important

Yossarian was cold, too, and shivering uncontrollably. He felt goose pimples clacking all over him as he gazed down despondently at the grim secret Snowden had spilled all over the messy floor. It was easy to read the message in his entrails. Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out a window and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all. I'm cold,' Snowden said. 'I'm cold.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Fall, Men, Fire, Pimples, Catch 22 Important

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

- Joseph Heller

source: Catch-22 ch. 3 (1961)

topic: Retirement, Funny Life, Farewell, Catch 22 Important

The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.373, Simon and Schuster

topic: Country, Exercise, Rights, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.122, Simon and Schuster

topic: Death, Suicide, Enemy, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

You know, that might be the answer - to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed of. That's a trick that never seems to fail.

- Joseph Heller

source: "Catch-22". Book by Joseph Heller, 1961.

topic: Answers, Might, Failing, Colonels, Catch 22 Important

How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?

- Joseph Heller

source: Catch-22 ch. 18 (1961)

topic: Running, Evil, People, Catch 22 Important, Bowel Movements

Fortunately, just when things were blackest, the war broke out.

- Joseph Heller

topic: War, Broke, Catch 22 Important

Be glad you're even alive.' Be furious you're going to die.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Alive, Glad, Furious, Catch 22 Important

But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.72, Simon and Schuster

topic: Children, War, Parent, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian