Yossarian Quotes:

Nately had a bad start. He came from a good family.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.22, Simon and Schuster

topic: Good Family, Yossarian

That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed. It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.

- Joseph Heller

source: Catch-22 (1961) ch. 5 (the first chapter of this novel was published as Catch-18 in New World Writing (1955) No. 7 - see Kiley and MacDonald "Catch-22" Casebook (1973) 294)

topic: Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

So many things were testing his faith. There was the Bible, of course, but the Bible was a book, and so were Bleak House, Treasure Island, Ethan Frome and The Last of the Mohicans. Did it then seem probable, as he had once overheard Dunbar ask, that the answers to riddles of creation would be supplied by people too ignorant to understand the mechanics of rainfall? Had Almighty God, in all His infinite wisdom, really been afraid that men six thousand years ago would succeed in building a tower to heaven?

- Joseph Heller

topic: Book, Men, Years, Rainfall, Bleak House

I’m not running away from my responsibilities. I’m running to them. There’s nothing negative about running away to save my life.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.414, Simon and Schuster

topic: Running, Responsibility, Negative, Yossarian

They're trying to kill me," Yossarian told him calmly. No one's trying to kill you," Clevinger cried. Then why are they shooting at me?" Yossarian asked. They're shooting at everyone," Clevinger answered. "They're trying to kill everyone." And what difference does that make?

- Joseph Heller

topic: Differences, Trying, Doe, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

There was only one catch and that was Catch22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask, and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.

- Joseph Heller

source: Catch-22 ch. 5 (1961).

topic: Crazy, Real, Safety, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

You have deep-seated survival anxieties. And you don't like bigots, bullies, snobs or hypocrites. Subconsciously there are many people you hate." "Consciously, sir, consciously," Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. "I hate them consciously.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (2010). “Catch-22: 50th Anniversary Edition”, p.395, Simon and Schuster

topic: Hate, Hypocrite, People, People You Hate, Yossarian

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.122, Simon and Schuster

topic: Death, Suicide, Enemy, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead.

- Joseph Heller

topic: War, Winning, Differences, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

From now on I'm thinking only of me." Major Danby replied indulgently with a superior smile: "But, Yossarian, suppose everyone felt that way." "Then," said Yossarian, "I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.409, Simon and Schuster

topic: Thinking, Way, Fool, Yossarian

Where were you born?" "On a battlefield," [Yossarian] answered. "No, no. In what state were you born?" "In a state of innocence.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Innocence, States, Born, Yossarian

The enemy," retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, "is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.122, Simon and Schuster

topic: Enemy, Might, Matter, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

History did not demand Yossarian's premature demise, justice could be satisfied without it, progress did not hinge upon it, victory did not depend on it. That men would die was a matter of necessity; WHICH men would die, though, was a matter of circumstance, and Yossarian was willing to be the victim of anything but circumstance. But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.72, Simon and Schuster

topic: Children, War, Men, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

Yossarian was cold, too, and shivering uncontrollably. He felt goose pimples clacking all over him as he gazed down despondently at the grim secret Snowden had spilled all over the messy floor. It was easy to read the message in his entrails. Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out a window and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all. I'm cold,' Snowden said. 'I'm cold.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Fall, Men, Fire, Pimples, Catch 22 Important

But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.72, Simon and Schuster

topic: Children, War, Parent, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

They can do anything we can't stop them from doing.

- Joseph Heller

topic: War, Drug, Users, Yossarian

How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?

- Joseph Heller

source: Catch-22 ch. 18 (1961)

topic: Running, Evil, People, Catch 22 Important, Bowel Movements

I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning

- Joseph Heller

topic: Dark, Night, Knives, Catch 22 Important, Sneaky

But the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make him out to be.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Stupid, Believe, Mean, Merciful God, Merciful

One hand washes the other.

- Seneca the Younger

topic: Latin, Hands, Unity, Latin Phrases, Latin Proverb

When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering.

- Joseph Heller

topic: God, Jobs, Stupid, Yossarian

The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.373, Simon and Schuster

topic: Country, Exercise, Rights, Catch 22 Important, Yossarian

To Yossarian, the idea of pennants as prizes was absurd. No money went with them, no class privileges. Like Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all they signified was that the owner had done something of no benefit to anyone more capably than everyone else.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.75, Simon and Schuster

topic: Ideas, Class, Tennis, Olympic Medals, Class Privilege

The frog is almost five hundred million years old. Could you really say with much certainty that America, with all its strength and prosperity, with its fighting man that is second to none, and with its standard of living that is highest in the world, will last as long as...the frog?

- Joseph Heller

topic: Fighting, Men, Years, Standards Of Living, Yossarian

Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Nurse, Trying, Wonderful, Yossarian

The captain was a good chess player, and the games were always interesting. Yossarian had stopped playing chess with him because the games were so interesting they were foolish.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Player, Games, Interesting, Yossarian

Sure, that's what I mean,' Doc Daneeka said. 'A little grease is what makes this world go round. One hand washes the other. Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.' Yossarian knew what he meant. That's not what I meant,' Doc Daneeka said, as Yossarian began scratching his back.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Mean, Hands, Grease, Yossarian

"What would they do to me," he asked in confidential tones, "if I refused to fly them?" "We'd probably shoot you," ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen replied. "We?" Yossarian cried in surprise. "What do you mean, we? Since when are you on their side?" "If you're going to be shot, whose side do you expect me to be on?" ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen retorted.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Mean, Sides, Tone, Confidential, Yossarian

Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.409, Simon and Schuster

topic: Military, Way, Fool, Yossarian

Actually there were many officers' clubs that Yossarian had not helped build, but he was proudest of the one on Pianosa. It was a sturdy and complex monument to his powers of determination. Yossarian never went there to help until it was finished; then he went there often, so pleased was he with the large , fine, rambling shingled building. It was a truly splendid building, and Yossarian throbbed with a mighty sense of accomplishment each time he gazed at it and reflected that none of the work that had gone into it was his.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (2010). “Catch-22: 50th Anniversary Edition”, p.36, Simon and Schuster

topic: Determination, Accomplishment, Rambling, Sturdy, Sense Of Accomplishment

Who's they?" He wanted to know. "Who, specifically, do you think is trying to murder you?" "Every one of them," Yossarian told him. "Every one of whom?" "Every one of whom do you think?" "I haven't any idea." "Then how do you know they aren't?" "Because..." Clevinger sputtered, and turned speechless with frustration. Clevinger really thought he was right, but Yossarian had proof, because strangers he didn't know shot at him with cannons every time he flew up into the air to drop bombs on them, and it wasn't funny at all.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Thinking, Frustration, Ideas, Flew Up, Yossarian

Yossarian decided to change the subject. "Now you're changing the subject." he pointed out diplomatically. "I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.171, Simon and Schuster

topic: Names, Two, Being Thankful, Yossarian

I’m cold,' Snowden said softly, 'I’m cold.' 'You’re going to be all right, kid,' Yossarian reassured him with a grin. 'You’re going to be all right.' 'I’m cold,' Snowden said again in a frail, childlike voice. 'I’m cold.' 'There, there,' Yossarian said, because he did not know what else to say. 'There, there.' 'I’m cold,' Snowden whimpered. 'I’m cold.' 'There, there. There, there.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (2010). “Catch-22: 50th Anniversary Edition”, p.563, Simon and Schuster

topic: Kids, Voice, Cold, Yossarian

He found Luciana sitting alone at a table in the Allied officers' night club, where the drunken Anzac major who had brought her there had been stupid enough to desert her for the ribald company of some singing comrades at the bar. "All right, I'll dance with you," she said, before Yossarian could even speak. "But I won't let you sleep with me." "Who asked you?" Yossarian asked her. "You don't want to sleep with me?" she exclaimed with surprise. "I don't want to dance with you.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Stupid, Sleep, Night, Want To Sleep, Ribald

After he made up his mind to spend the rest of the war in the hospital, Yossarian wrote letters to everyone he knew saying that he was in the hospital but never mentioning why. One day he had a better idea. To everyone he knew he wrote that he was going on a very dangerous mission. "They asked for volunteers. It's very dangerous, but someone has to do it. I'll write you the instant I get back." And he had not written anyone since.

- Joseph Heller

source: Joseph Heller (2010). “Catch-22: 50th Anniversary Edition”, p.22, Simon and Schuster

topic: War, Writing, Ideas, Yossarian

There was a click and then nothing CALL DISCONECTED flashed on the digital display. "NO! NO!" Clary hit the redial button, her fingers trembling. Simon picked up immediatly. "Sorry. Yossarian scratched me and I dropped the phone.

- Cassandra Clare

source: Cassandra Clare (2012). “Cassandra Clare: The Mortal Instruments Series (5 books): City of Bones; City of Ashes; City of Glass; City of Fallen Angels, City of Lost Souls”, p.751, Simon and Schuster

topic: Sorry, Phones, Buttons, Yossarian

Her own body was such a familiar and unremarkable thing to her that she was puzzled by the convulsive ecstasy men could take from it, by the intense and amusing need they had merely to touch it, to reach out urgently and press it, squeeze it, pinch it, rub it. She did not understand Yossarian's lust; but she was willing to take is word for it.

- Joseph Heller

topic: Men, Lust, Needs, Yossarian

This is our siblings of more famous BookWorld Personalities self-help group expalined Loser (Gatsby). That's Sharon Eyre, the younger and wholly disreputable sister of Jane; Roger Yossarian, the draft dodger and coward; Rupert Bond, still a virgin and can't keep a secret; Tracy Capulet, who has slept her way round Verona twice; and Nancy Potter, who is a Muggle.

- Jasper Fforde

topic: Sibling, Self, Personality, Sharon, Muggles