Maria Bamford famous quotes

03-21-2025

My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time
-- Maria Bamford

#Cutting #Sitting #Therapists
Get out of your house and go see some live performance, for God's sake. There are people creating things just outside your window.
-- Maria Bamford

#Fun #Creating #People
I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.
-- Maria Bamford

#Funny
I express things through characters because I have a fear that my own voice is irritating because thats been said to me.
-- Maria Bamford

#Character #Voice #Said
If you're ever if you're ever thinking, â€œOh, but I'm a waste of space and I'm a burden,â€ remember: that also describes the Grand Canyon. Why don't you have friends and family take pictures of you from a safe distance? Revel in your majestic profile?
-- Maria Bamford

#Distance #Thinking #Space
If you stay alive for no other reason do it for spite
-- Maria Bamford

#Alive #Reason #Spite
Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.
-- Maria Bamford

#Worry #Rising #Want
Some of my friends and family have tried to challenge me to do jokes that aren't as self-deprecating, where I genuinely express my own opinion in my own voice.
-- Maria Bamford

#Self #Voice #Challenges
My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli.
-- Maria Bamford

#Mom #Religious #Thinking
Schizophrenia is hearing voices, not doing voices.
-- Maria Bamford

#Voice #Hearing #Schizophrenia
People get really irritated by mental illness.
-- Maria Bamford

#People #Irritated #Mental Illness
Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I'm so hungry.
-- Maria Bamford

#Inspirational #Funny #Summer
I'm not looking for much, I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet.
-- Maria Bamford

#Jobs #Nice #Missing
Weâ€™re all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good.
-- Maria Bamford

#Sometimes
I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.
-- Maria Bamford

#Funny Relationship #Kissing #Shopping
Time flies when you are anxious!
-- Maria Bamford

#Time #Time Flies #Anxious

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