Julie Klausner quotes

  • Fear can be the result of admiration, or it can be a symptom of contempt.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Fear #Admiration #Results

  • I consider Greeks the Jews of the sea.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Sea #Greek #Jew

  • It’s important to remember that Mark David Chapman really set a lot of trends: such as the trend of celebrities having bodyguards.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Important #Trends #Remember

  • I’m really afraid of spiders and my own feelings.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Feelings #Spiders

  • The only riot I’m okay with is a zoot suit riot.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Suits #Okay #Riot

  • We don’t use phones anymore in this day and age, yet she still phones things in.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Phones #Age #Use

  • Do you think trees are the new birds? Don’t answer that right away.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Thinking #Bird #Tree

  • If the Cowardly Lion were on RuPaul’s Drag Race, so much of my childhood would be less nightmarish.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Race #Childhood #Would Be

  • What else don’t women like besides the Three Stooges? Tom Waits. Being hurt physically or emotionally.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Hurt #Waiting #Three

  • All I know is it’s silly to chase fun when all you need is the ground underneath you to be solid. And I don’t expect to be one of those people that does cartwheels in yogurt commercials. I wanna be the cartoon character in that antidepressant ad who has, like, little lines under her eyes, and the divot in the middle of the pill is the pill’s mouth... have you seen this ad? It’s very good. It’s for Abilify, which is not a word.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Fun #Silly #Character

  • I just feel like I understand Cameron Diaz better than I ever have before, and I don’t like it. I don’t like to see everything I see. It’s like a magnifying mirror only soulful, and I’m not looking at her, I’m looking at us, you know? And our pores are huge.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Mirrors #Magnifying #Feels

  • Is it a different New York since Lou Reed died? It’s been a different New York since I saw him in his sweatpants at the Cozy Soup ‘n’ Burger.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #New York #Different #Burgers

  • Women who work for escort agencies that assign them out to prostitution dates at sushi restaurants know how to eat with chopsticks, and beyond that they are in every other way identical to other prostitutes. They’re not better looking; they’re not smarter; they’re not classier; they’re not more charming. They probably give more ***** than any reasonable woman, right? And they are empty inside, but it’s also society’s fault.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Agency #Giving #Sushi

  • Having one of your like dumb sort of stream of consciousness tweets used against you on a right wing website is the ultimate compliment.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Wings #Dumb #Consciousness

  • Any woman I know can smell a boyfriend a mile away. Women are intuitive, they know when a guy is interested but he's not going to be there for her in that boyfriend-y way,
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Smell #Guy #Way

  • Only sad sacks and conformists need things like no kiss on New Year's Eve to remind them to feel lonely. They're as bad as the people who need St. Patty's Day as an excuse to get drunk or Halloween to wear slutty outfits. You can feel sorry for yourself and dress like a hooker all year round: Hallmark never needs to know.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #New Year #Lonely #Sorry

  • I'm not big on regret - until time travel actually exists, it seems like a waste of making yourself feel bad
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Regret #Waste #Time Travel

  • My advice to women who habitually gravitate toward musicians is that they learn how to play an instrument and start making music themselves. Not only will they see that it's not that hard, but sometimes I think women just want to be the very thing they think they want to sleep with. Because if you're bright enough--no offense, Tawny Kitaen--sleeping with a musician probably won't be enough for you to feel good about yourself. Even if he writes you a song for your birthday. Don't you know that a musician who writes a song for you is like a baker you're dating making you a cake? Aim higher.
    -- Julie Klausner

    #Song #Writing #Sleep

  • Shirley MacLaine: what an asshole.
    -- Julie Klausner