Tina Fey quotes

  • And I can see Russia from my house.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Russia #House

  • For most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us, unless you believe in evolution. Actually, I take it back. The whole thing is a disaster.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Believe #Conservative #Evolution

  • Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Girl #Athlete #Eye

  • One of the great things about doing animated movies is that you don't have to dress up or put on make-up.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Dresses #Animated #Great Things

  • If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?
    -- Tina Fey

    #Inspirational #Inspiring #Hilarious

  • Every day I wrote in my journal: "How am I going to win today?" So that when the guys are talking about water-boarding I'm telling them they haven't even got the right towels.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Winning #Talking #Water

  • To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Bridges #Troll

  • Most of my work is done before we start shooting, preparation work, so my normal day begins when I start writing, it might even be the night before.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Writing #Night #Preparation

  • It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Moving #Writing

  • I went through a phase where I was sick of acting, I didn't want to do it anymore, I was bored with it and then I tried directing a movie and I was like: "Shoot, get back over there!" It made me appreciate acting more.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Sick #Bored #Appreciate

  • MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Class #Voice

  • When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: "Hey, this isn't the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don't know how much longer I'm going to have!"
    -- Tina Fey

    #Mirrors #Hey #Rehearsal

  • So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Inspirational #Witty #Funny Motivational

  • The barrier between TV and movies has come down and film actors are willing to do TV and vice versa, because they just want to follow what's interesting.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Interesting #Want #Down And

  • You go through big chunks of time where you're just thinking, 'this is impossible - oh,this is impossible'. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Inspiring #Humor #Parenting

  • I wrote a one-act play - I can't remember the name of it, but it was really about the way women are perceived as leaders. In the play, Catherine the Great would say things like, "You know, John F. Kennedy had extramarital affairs and no one says anything. But I bang one horse and now I'm a horse banger for all eternity? That's it? That's what I am?"
    -- Tina Fey

    #Horse #Play #Names

  • Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Hilarious #Hard Work #Delusion

  • I believe in process. I believe that having a really difficult process is more valuable than a good outcome.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Believe #Outcomes #Process

  • It is less dangerous to draw a cartoon of Allah French-kissing Uncle Sam — which, let me make it very clear, I have not done — than it is to speak honestly about [working moms].
    -- Tina Fey

    #Mom #Uncles #Kissing

  • Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your ***** at ten. But I think it's good to grow up that way. It builds character.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Girl #Growing Up #Character

  • Whatever the problem - be part of the solution
    -- Tina Fey

    #Problem #Solutions

  • My problem with the traditional acting method was that I never understood what you were supposed to be thinking about when you're onstage.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Thinking #Acting #Problem

  • If you're an actor and you don't get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Reading #Opportunity #Night

  • Mary Tyler Moore was a working woman whose story lines were not always about dating and men. They were about work friendships and relationships, which is what I feel my adult life has mostly been about.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Men #Dating #Stories

  • In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant Irish people.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Sorry #Drinking #Beer

  • This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. You're up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it'll be between you and Barbara. Don't be fooled. You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Careers #People #Advice

  • I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It's better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Basketball #Baby #Champion

  • If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you're asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Class #Skills #People

  • I'm a logic monster, if things don't make sense I've gotta make sense of them. I enjoy helping to develop material for movies, it's a way for me to get into the part.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Way #Monsters #Logic

  • Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!
    -- Tina Fey

    #Years #Arms #Lasts

  • My mom wanted me to apply to Princeton, cause she just I guess since I was a kid had this dream that I would apply to Princeton, and it was not happening.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Mom #Dream #Kids

  • I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Funny #Parent #Want

  • I went to the University of Virginia and I came from, I grew up in suburban Philadelphia.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Virginia #Philadelphia #Grew

  • I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, 'Well, they get pie. It's not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.' I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Weekend #Thinking #Boston

  • I really like John McCain. He's an awesome dude and was a lot of fun when he hosted "SNL." I'd love to see a McCain-Giuliani "rage" ticket.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Fun #Tickets #Rage

  • Do your thing and don't care if they like it.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Being Yourself #Witty #Badass

  • When you go into something where you can really trust that everyone has thought about it, more than you have even, then that's like a gift.
    -- Tina Fey

  • George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three-person commission investigating rules of war violation in the Gaza Strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a Lifetime Achievement Award.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Husband #War #Rights

  • Will Ferrell is a dangerous man. If he thinks you're in his way in show business, he will crack your head open. He's the Jeff Gillooly of comedy.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Men #Thinking #Cracks

  • You’re in competition with everyone.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Competition

  • Every morning, when Alaskans wake up, one of the first things they do, is look outside to see if there are any Russians hanging around. And if there are, you gotta go up to them and ask, 'What are you doing here?' and if they can't give you a good reason, it's our responsibility to say, you know, 'Shoo! Get back over there!'
    -- Tina Fey

    #Morning #Responsibility #Giving

  • Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor." When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Baby #Witty #Mean

  • We're gonna promote freedom. Usher in democratic values and ideals. And fight terror-loving terrorists.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Fighting #Democratic #Terrorist

  • When choosing sexual partners, remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Love #Relationship #Laughing

  • The comedy for the Democrats is that they're showing off too much. They need to be putting a boring white guy out there to kind of get a hold of things. Once the boring white guy is out there, then you bust out the junior senator from Illinois who smokes and does cocaine.
    -- Tina Fey

    #White #Illinois #Guy

  • (My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Uncles #Children

  • My parents are very well-behaved. If anything, if my Mom were here right now, she would hug and kiss every one of you hello, and then she would feed you.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Mom #Kissing #Parent

  • Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Crazy #Makeup

  • I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.
    -- Tina Fey

    #People #Rooms #Fans

  • Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Baby #Humor #Adorable

  • I would not trade any of these features for anybody else’s. I wouldn’t trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn’t even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Boys #College #Nephew

  • The ideal situation for a parent is one that no one has - having a fulfilling job that requires you to work three days a week. It's better for the parents, because they get to spend time with the children and also have a source of pride and achievement - and income - outside the home.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Jobs #Children #Home

  • I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Stress #Mean

  • I guess what I would tell women is to get their education first, before having kids. That way they can keep their options open down the road. I also think that it shouldn't necessarily be an issue just for women, that men should be part of the stay-home discussion too.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Kids #Home #Men

  • Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Gay #Thinking

  • Some people work with a trainer, some people work with a stylist. I work with a celebrity fecalist. A fecalist is basically a person who comes and collects my stools, and then examines them to see if I'm eating right and if I should be drinking more water and what my moods should be.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Drinking #Water #People

  • Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Motivational #Inspiring #Leadership

  • I don't really have a nemesis, but I have a series of hundreds of small enemies that fuel me. Everyone I meet I assume is out to get me and that fuels my fire on a daily basis.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Fire #Enemy #Fuel

  • THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, only opportunities.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Inspirational #Mistake #Successful

  • I hire people that are good, and aren't crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Crazy #People #Good People

  • My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Anxiety #Acne

  • I think the Web is, you know, things like YouTube and stuff are absolutely where a lot of younger people are watching their TV on iTunes in the Web and YouTube, whatever. So, I think it's an important place to have a presence.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Thinking #People #Important

  • As an improviser, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in real life whose first answer is no. “No, we can’t do that.” “No, that’s not in the budget.” “No, I will not hold your hand for a dollar.” What kind of way is that to live?
    -- Tina Fey

    #Real #Hands #Answers

  • I had a gentleman in college tell me, during a date, that I could be really pretty if I lost some weight. On a date!
    -- Tina Fey

    #College #Gentleman #Weight

  • Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Love You #Thinking

  • I definitely think of myself still as a writer first, and feel like - with the lucky exception of this - any acting opportunity I've gotten is usually because I was writing on it. This is like a wonderful vacation. If you've ever sat in a writers' room it's the most disgusting, tortuous place, so it's a treat to be treated like a movie actor.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Writing #Opportunity #Thinking

  • Don't waste your energy trying to change opinions ... Do your thing, and don't care if they like it.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Motivational #Confidence #Self Esteem

  • I don't know how many more movies I'm going to get the opportunity to make and I don't want to look back and go: "Man, I just floated through that one." Or: "I did that one for the money." I want to be able to say that I worked as a hard as I could and I did the best work that I could do.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Opportunity #Men #Want

  • I hope for his sake that Tracy's apology will be accepted as sincere by his gay and lesbian coworkers at 30 Rock, without whom Tracy would not have lines to say, clothes to wear, sets to stand on, scene partners to act with, or a printed-out paycheck from accounting to put in his pocket.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Apology #Gay #Rocks

  • My work is my work. I take my work seriously but I don't take myself too seriously.
    -- Tina Fey

  • Quentin Tarantino is here, star of all my sexual nightmares.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Stars #Nightmare #Tarantino

  • Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Mad #People

  • Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Laughing #People #Trying

  • Feminists do the best Photoshop because they leave the meat on your bones. They don’t change your size or your skin color. They leave in your disgusting knuckles, but they may take out some armpit stubble. Not because they’re denying its existence, but because they understand that it’s okay to make a photo look as if you were caught on your best day in the best light.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Light #Skin Color #Feminist

  • In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Mean #People

  • Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying "like" all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Funny #Girl #Baby

  • Every kid has something they're good at, that you hope they find and gravitate toward.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Kids #Learning #School

  • Start with a 'Yes', and see where that takes you.
    -- Tina Fey

  • Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Careers #Obstacles

  • If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Men #Laughing #Want

  • I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Funny #Fey #Comedy

  • I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Funny #Workout #Sex

  • A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Baby #School #Boss

  • I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Reflection #People #Abortion

  • When humor works, it works because it's clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Real #People #Working It

  • It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Perfect #Tvs

  • North Korea referred to The Interview as absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror. Even more amazing? Not the worst review the movie got.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Korea #Interviews #Reviews

  • Being a mom has made me so tired. And so happy.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Inspiring #Mom #Mother

  • An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show here ankles to to get that job?
    -- Tina Fey

    #Jobs #Men #Two

  • Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Dream #Witty #Jobs

  • If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly. (Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)
    -- Tina Fey

    #Book #Mad #People

  • Don't be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Writing

  • You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Smart #Laughing

  • You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Witty #Funny Inspirational #Motivation

  • There are a couple of things I want to impart to ladies who want to be in comedy: One, you don’t have to be weird or be quirky to get your job done. And two, comedy skill is not sexually transmittable. You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Jobs #Couple #Sleep

  • Let's review the cost-free techniques that we've learned so far for raising an achievement-oriented, obedient, drug-free, virgin adult: Calamity, Praise, Local Theater, and flat feet. Another key element is "Strong Father Figure / Fear Thereof."
    -- Tina Fey

    #Strong #Father #Keys

  • Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want to do
    -- Tina Fey

    #Hard Work #Thinking #Want

  • there was an assumption that I was personally attacking Sarah Palin by impersonating her on TV. No one ever said it was 'mean' when Chevy Chase played Gerald Ford falling down all the time. No one ever accused Dana Carvey or Darrell Hammond or Dan Aykroyd of 'going too far' in their political impressions. You see what I'm getting at here. I am not mean and Mrs. Palin is not fragile. To imply otherwise is a disservice to us both.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Fall #Mean #Political

  • One afternoon a girl walked by in a bikini and my cousin Janet scoffed, “Look at the hips on her.” I panicked. What about the hips? Were they too big? Too small? What were my hips? I didn’t know hips could be a problem. I thought there was just fat or skinny. This was how I found out that there are an infinite number of things that can be “incorrect” on a woman’s body.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Girl #Cousin #Numbers

  • Finally the world would see my full range of comedy characters - from grouchy librarian to Russian librarian.
    -- Tina Fey

    #Character #World #Comedy