Chris D'Elia famous quotes

We're the only species that listens to Michael Bublé when we have sex. That's gotta be wrong.
-- Chris D'Elia

#Sex #Species

My biggest pet peeve is when a girl says, "I'm not into drama." Why are you even mentioning it?! That's dramatic in itself!
-- Chris D'Elia

#Girl #Drama #Pet

A girl who pays attention is very cool. It's really hard to pay attention to someone. I understand. I get it. I get bored a lot when I'm talking to people, but I try. So I'd like for the girl to try, too.
-- Chris D'Elia

#Girl #Talking #Bored

No perfume. Because I want to know how you smell - right off the bat. Don't mask it up. I need to know how you smell because I need to know how we connect. A smell is a big thing. Pheromones. Don't cover that.
-- Chris D'Elia

#Smell #Bats #Needs

Every guy is different, but just prepare to know him in a different way and be OK with it, because the times I've lived with girls, and I've lived with some very sweet girls, I felt bad that they had to live with me.
-- Chris D'Elia

#Girl #Sweet #Guy

I think that men think they need their man caves. They don't really do. They think they want them, and then the second they do get them and they have alone time and time away from the girl, and the girl is really cool with giving them alone time, then that's when they, or at least I, start to think, "So, why are you so cool with me being alone? What's wrong with me that you don't want to be with me every second."
-- Chris D'Elia

#Girl #Men #Thinking

I'm a dude, obviously, and when I'm not in a relationship, I don't do laundry until I want to. But if I live with a girl, you have to do it when she wants to or when we want to, which sucks.
-- Chris D'Elia

#Girl #Want #Laundry

Women, tend to talk more than men, and they do this thing where they say things that can easily be shown. Like, they don't need to do that.
-- Chris D'Elia

#Men #Needs

Once I started doing stand-up, everything fell into place. That was when I started acting more; I felt like I'd found my place in the business.
-- Chris D'Elia

#Acting #Found #Felt

The '60s are gone, dope will never be as cheap, sex never as free, and the rock and roll never as great.

When a clandestine couple kisses, it is much more likely that sex will immediately follow. This is because there is much more risk. Once you have kissed secretly, it is very difficult not to have sex. It would be impolite not to have sex. You have to show that you are serious about each other.

The fact that a baby can be born today and condemned to a life of hardship, struggle, and discrimination simply because of sex is enraging.

I fight, knock them out, have some sex and Monday I'm back to hitting bags and kicking ass.

Save me from the ranks of the freaks who suspect they can never love anyone.

The sexes in each species of being... are always true equivalents - equals but not identical.

Living in your genome is the history of our species.

As a species we are always hungry for new knowledge.

Intelligence is based on how efficient a species became at doing the things they need to survive.

We are the only species on earth capable of preventing our own flowering.