Jeff Ross Quotes and Sayings - Page 1
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“My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“Last time I was in Canada Celine Dion had just given birth to identical twins. Which is quite an achievement given her age and face.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“I think Jersey stands alone, and because I'm from Jersey, I never make fun of where people are from. I'll make fun of what they look like, but I'll never make fun of where they are from. Jersey is special.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“Comedy comes from pain, and no one knows that better than this woman Roseanne Barr—who was molested as a child. Uch. That poor molester. Roseanne never got over it. She felt violated. She had trust issues. She never got the candy he promised her.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?”
-- Jeff Ross -
“I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?”
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“South Park called...they want their everything back.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“With everybody having a Facebook and a Twitter, I feel like regular people consider themselves stars. It's a live, real-time upload of every time we buy a pair of socks, the most telling sign that we're losing our politeness. When you know everything about somebody, you can talk to them any way you please.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.”
-- Jeff Ross -
“Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.”
-- Jeff Ross
