Dan Jenkins quotes

  • The golfer has more enemies than any other athlete. He has fourteen clubs in his bag, all of them different; 18 holoes to play, all of them different, every week; and all around him is sand, trees, grass, water, wind and 143 other players. In addition, the game is 50 percent mental, so his biggest enemy is himself.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Athlete #Golf #Player

  • Only two things can stop Tiger — injury or a bad marriage.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Two #Injury #Bad Marriage

  • Part of the charm of basketball lies in the fact that it's a simple game to understand. Players race up and down a fairly small area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna's dress hanging on it.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Funny #Basketball #Lying

  • A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Iron #Wife

  • In a story, you have to have a theme and an angle, you have to have a beginning, middle and an end. You have to have a defining moment and kick it to death. You gotta be able to recognize that, by the way. It probably takes experience.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Stories #Able #Way

  • There have been so many great moments in golf that you even forget some of them.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Forget #Moments

  • I quickly discovered that trying to go play golf while living in Manhattan was about as easy as trying to grab a taxi while standing out in front of Saks Fifth Avenue in the freezing rain on the last shopping day before Christmas.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Rain #Golf #Shopping

  • The golf ball has no sense at all, which is why it has to be given stern lectures constantly, especially during the act of putting.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Balls #Lectures

  • Laughter is the only thing that'll cut trouble down to a size where you can talk to it.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Laughter #Cutting #Size

  • As the NFF Historian, I'll have a new platform to indulge my passion for the most emotional, colorful and hysterical game ever developed by mankind and Walter Camp.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Passion #Emotional #Games

  • Until Sammy Baugh - pro football in Texas was a one-paragraph story on the third page of the Monday sports section.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Leadership #Sports #Football

  • Golfers don't fist fight. They cuss a bit. But they wouldn't punch anything or anybody. They might hurt their hands and have to change their grip.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Hurt #Fighting #Hands

  • I am among those who firmly believe that a round of golf should not take more than three and a half hours, four at most. Anything longer than that is not a round of golf, it's life in Albania.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Believe #Golf #Albania

  • I had always suspected that trying to play golf in the company of big-time pros and a gallery would be something like walking naked into choir practice.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Practice #Play

  • Professionalism in tennis ... only resulted in making billionaires out of rude children, producing an onslaught of moody defectors, and a lot of guys with hair that looks as if bats slept in it... Meanwhile, my head swims with the thought that I have watched tennis progress from Don Budge and Alice Marble to Farrah Fawcett becoming John McEnroe's mother-in-law.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Mother #Children #Hair

  • Tennis was a game invented by a woman named Samantha Tennis in 1839, in the village of Lobsworth, County of Kent, as a diversion for the wealthy and titled Englishmen of the region, who had nothing better to do at the time but drink, belch and wear funny clothes.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Games #Clothes #Tennis

  • Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Weekend #Thinking

  • The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Snow #Soul

  • If a caddie can help you, you don't know how to play golf.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Play #Caddies

  • Much of the fire with him [Ben Hogan] was lit by Byron Nelson, who came from the same town - the same caddie yard - and achieved fame and fortune several years ahead of Ben and who, as a kid, had always been popular and better liked than Ben. No puzzle at all.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Kids #Golf #Fire

  • Always keep in mind that if God didn't want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't come three to a sleeve.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Men #Mind

  • Many Americans follow pro basketball from November through June, for reasons that I found unexplainable, other than the fact that they were overly fascinated with soaring armpits.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Funny #Basketball #June

  • Lonnie says it doesn't take long to write a song if you're stricken with a severe case of the Tennysons. He wasn't necessarily talking about a chart-climber.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Song #Writing #Talking

  • The maplewood flat-finished Martin had represented the most outrageous luxury in her life when she bought it in 1971 for four hundred dollars. But Lonnie Slocum assured her the Martin was a good investment, even if she never learned to play it better than an acid head who was into heavy metal.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Music #Play #Luxury

  • Juanita found herself at Old Jeemy's radio station in a room she could have sworn was a laboratory where creatures with antennas in their heads, knobs for eyes, jagged arms, and dangly legs conducted experiments on the bodies of dead vocalists.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Music #Eye #Body

  • Every golfer has at least 14 enemies: his clubs.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Golf #Enemy #Clubs

  • Baseball would be a better game if more third basemen got hit in the mouth by line drivers.
    -- Dan Jenkins

    #Baseball #Games #Would Be

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