Scott Adams quotes

Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
-- Scott Adams

#Numbers #My Best Friend

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
-- Scott Adams

#Inspirational #Kindness #Empathy

You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
-- Scott Adams

#Inspirational Life #Teaching #Learning

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
-- Scott Adams

#Love #Inspirational #Life

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
-- Scott Adams

#Life #Food #Men

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
-- Scott Adams

#Funny #Smart #Stupid

I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.
-- Scott Adams

#Jobs #People #Empowering

The only risk of failure is promotion.
-- Scott Adams

#Inspiration #Risk #Promotion

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
-- Scott Adams

#Running #Food #Firsts

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.
-- Scott Adams

#Christian #Religious #Atheist

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
-- Scott Adams

#People #Path #Free Will

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.
-- Scott Adams

#Aggravation #Hallucinations #Decline

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.
-- Scott Adams

#Cat #Pet #Tolls

I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.
-- Scott Adams

#Reality #Internet

I get mail; therefore I am.
-- Scott Adams

#Humor #Technology #Mail

Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
-- Scott Adams

#Hurt #People #Needs

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
-- Scott Adams

#Problem #Application #Personal Problems

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
-- Scott Adams

#Inspirational #Business #Long

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
-- Scott Adams

#Believe #People #Normal

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
-- Scott Adams

#Dating #Religion #Principles

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
-- Scott Adams

#Forgiveness #Revenge #Inspire

The best things in life are silly.
-- Scott Adams

#Inspirational #Stupid #Silly

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
-- Scott Adams

#Keys #Initiative #Optimization

I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.'
-- Scott Adams

#Sometimes #Restaurants #Draws

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
-- Scott Adams

#Car #Hot #Way

You can change only what people know, not what they do.
-- Scott Adams

#People #Management

Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
-- Scott Adams

#Reality #People #Society

The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.
-- Scott Adams

#Relationship #Imagination #Mind

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
-- Scott Adams

#Happiness #Success #Hope

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.
-- Scott Adams

#Years #Guy #Important

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
-- Scott Adams

#Technology #Done #Computer

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
-- Scott Adams

#Math #Science #Numbers

There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
-- Scott Adams

#Idiot #Danger #Dangerous

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
-- Scott Adams

#Business #Smart #Differences