Christopher Moore quotes

  • Children see magic because they look for it.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Life #Children #Magic

  • Science, you don't know, looks like magic.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Science #Magic #Looks

  • [in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Grandmother #Self #Turkeys

  • There's a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality--there's mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Real #Grief #Sorrow

  • He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Love Is #Thinking #Taught

  • Regardless of its purpose, the humpback-whale song is the most complex piece of nonhuman composition on earth. Whether it's art, prayer, or booty call, the humpback song is an amazing thing to experience firsthand, and I suspect that even once the science of it is put to bed, it will remain, as long as they sing, magic.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Song #Art #Prayer

  • If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Thinking #Insanity #Enough

  • I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Breakfast #Pants #Seven

  • Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Perfect #Guy

  • Only cops and vampires have to have an invitation to enter.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Law #Vampire #Cop

  • Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Thinking #Vampire #Agree

  • It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Sarcasm #Revolutionary #Irritating

  • It's like time travel only, you know, slower...
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Time Travel

  • Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair..
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Despair #Rolling #Bags

  • ... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Jesus #What If #Important

  • As a teacher of fourth-graders in a public school, where corporal punishement was not allowed, she had years of violence stored up and was, truth be told, sort of enjoying letting it out on Kona, who she felt could have been the poster child for the failure of public education.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Teacher #Children #School

  • Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Bells #Ribbons #Cold

  • Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles and the kinkiest fans!
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Book #Titles #Fans

  • When I teach seminars, I tell people, Your stuff has to look like something thats out there, because otherwise nobody will take a chance on you.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #People #Looks #Stuff

  • I've got to think that that was unethical," Joshua said. "Josh, faking demonic possession is like a mustard seed." "How is it like a mustard seed?" "You don't know, do you? Doesn't seem at all like a mustard seed, does it? Now you see how we all feel when you liken things unto a mustard seed? Huh?
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Thinking #Doe #Mustard Seed

  • One can't be free without action.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Action

  • One day the good times had to keep on rolling, and all of life's horseshit would turn to circuses.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #One Day #Rolling #Circus

  • Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Hate #Kids #People

  • He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Mean #Guy #Kung Fu

  • ...as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Sex #Hands #Survivor

  • May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Sheep #Pet #May

  • I think I'm what they call a never-was.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Thinking

  • . . . You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong? Charlie: No, no, I’m okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it’s unsettling.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Upset #Beavers #Mute

  • It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Past #Guilt #Moments

  • Mr. Fresh looked up. "The book says if we don't do our jobs everything could go dark, become like the Underworld. I don't know what the Underworld is like, Mr. Asher, but I've caught some of the road show from there a couple of times, and I'm not interested in finding out. How 'bout you?" "Maybe it's Oakland," Charlie said. "What's Oakland?" "The Underworld." "Oakland is not the Underworld!" "The Tenderloin?" Charlie suggested.
    -- Christopher Moore

    #Jobs #Couple #Book