Henry Cloud quotes

  • In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Two #Leader #Ends

  • The opposite of bad is not good.The opposite of bad is love
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Opposites

  • Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Pain #Giving #Consequence

  • Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great metaphor for endings.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Moving #Pruning #Alive

  • We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Inspirational #Pain #Parenting

  • Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Taken #People #Giving

  • When leaders lead in ways that people's brains can follow, good results follow as well.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #People #Leader #Brain

  • The fool tries to adjust the truth so he does not have to adjust to it.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Trying #Doe #Fool

  • Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Responsibility #Freedom And Responsibility

  • When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Brain #Fuel #Able

  • Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Character #Ability #Grows

  • Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly. Praise the developing character in your child as it emerges in active, loving, responsible behavior.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Children #Character #Parent

  • He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional behavior and relationships
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Secret #Want #Loved Ones

  • A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Doe #Tests #Love Respect

  • Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Moving #People #Leaving

  • Diligence is not easy, but we can't reach our goals without it.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Goal #Workplace #Persevere

  • The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Handle

  • Be Hard on the issue, Soft on the person.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Issues #Persons

  • Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Giving #Dating #Give And Take

  • To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #People #Behavior #Natural

  • A leader's responsibility is to cause a vision and mission to have tangible results in the real world.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Real #Responsibility #Leader

  • Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Children #Pride #Parenting

  • Faith goes beyond reason. It goes beyond what you can see. But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Inspirational #Real #Reason

  • If you want to become healthy, you have to surround yourself with a group of people that are getting healthy, and you have to be connected to a community that is doing what you want to do.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #People #Community #Healthy

  • Endings are a part of life, and we are actually wired to execute them. But because of trauma, developmental failures, and other reasons, we shy away from the steps that could open up whole new worlds of development and growth.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Growth #Shy #Development

  • Dont use all-or-nothing thinking. Take each day as its own day, and dont worry about it if you mess up one day. The most important thing you can do is just get back up on the horse.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Horse #Thinking #Worry

  • When a person travels through a few years with an organization, or with a partnership, or any other kind of working association, he leaves a 'wake' behind in these two areas, task and relationship: what did he accomplish and how did he deal with people?
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Years #Organization #Two

  • If you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty, they still have power over you, and you are saying that you will only feel good when they stop doing that. You are giving them control over your life. Stop blaming other people.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #People #Giving #Feel Good

  • God's solution for "I can't live that way anymore" is basically, "Good! Don't live that way anymore. Set firm limits against evil behavior that are designed to promote change and redemption. Get the love and support you need from other places to take the kind of stance that I do to help redeem relationship. Suffer long, but suffer in the right way." And when done God's way, chances are much better for redemption.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Long #Evil #Support

  • When we can't hold back, or set boundaries, on what comes from our lips, our words are in charge-not us. But we are still responsible for those words. Our words do not come from somewhere outside of us, as if we were a ventriloquist's dummy. They are the product of our hearts. Our saying, "I didn't mean that," is probably better translated, "I didn't want you to know I thought that about you." We need to take responsibility for our words. "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken" (Matt. 12:36).
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Heart #Mean #Responsibility

  • Who a person is will ultimately determine if their brains, talents, competencies, energy, effort, deal-making abilities, and opportunities will succeed.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Opportunity #Effort #Brain

  • The idea of submission is never meant to allow someone to overstep another's boundaries. Submission only has meaning in the context of boundaries, for boundaries promote self-control and freedom. If a wife is not free and in control of herself, she is not submitting anyway. She is a slave subject to a slave driver, and she is out of the will of God.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Self #Ideas #Wife

  • The physicality of a real relationship - one that encompasses mind, body and soul - ultimately makes it more fulfilling and powerful than any virtual relationship ever could be.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Powerful #Real #Soul

  • People tend to look at dating sort of like a safari - like they're trying to land the trophy.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Land #Dating #People

  • A culture is like an immune system. It operates through the laws of systems, just like a body. If a body has an infection, the immune system deals with it. Similarly, a group enforces its norms, either actively or passively.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Law #Groups #Culture

  • In a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership. When you are ridiculously in charge, then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Real #School #Essence

  • If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #People #Together #Needs

  • When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility. Whatever it is, they will feel a loss. If you love them, this will be difficult for you to watch. But, when you are dealing with someone who is hurting, remember that your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them. If you have been enabling them to be irresponsible, your limit setting may nudge them toward responsibility.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Hurt #Responsibility #Loss

  • The twin sister to autonomy and freedom is responsibility and accountability. You cannot have one with out the other. If someone is given an area of responsibility, not only must they be set free to do it, they must also be held accountable for what they do. Accountability clarifies freedom. In the teams and companies where you see boundary confusion, power struggles, control, over-reaching of one's line of responsibility, you will also see lapses in accountability as well.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Team #Struggle #Responsibility

  • Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Dating #Should #More To Life

  • Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Dating #Masquerade #Shows

  • When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Responsibility #Two #People

  • Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Heart #People #Soul

  • If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Kids #Reality #Parent

  • Christianity is not about morality. It's about reality.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Reality #Morality #Christianity

  • Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Love #Marriage #Responsibility

  • The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Heart #Care #Connected

  • Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Couple #Real #Years

  • Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks the rule again, and the parent manages the consequences and empathy that then turn the rule into reality and internal structure for the child.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Jobs #Children #Reality

  • One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach of a foreign missile, your anger can alert you to boundary violations in your life.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Frustration #Firsts #Resentment

  • A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Grief #Loss #Causes

  • Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would all be condemned to a life of continually denying reality, arguing or protesting against reality, and never growing from the realities we experience.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Jobs #Grief #Moving

  • We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Success #Mistake #People

  • The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Trying #Christ #Sinner

  • You aren't alive if you aren't in need.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Needs #Alive

  • Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Frustration #Reality #Facts

  • When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability to express lightheartedness. This is the breadth of emotion that allows an adult to experience intimacy with a spouse, with God, and with his children
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Children #Sadness #Emotional

  • Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Dating #Dying #Sometimes

  • There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Hurt #Reality #Differences

  • The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Immature #Demand #Mature

  • The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Relationship #Issues #Two

  • The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt that they owe us. We write off the person’s debt, and she no longer owes us. We no longer condemn her. She is clean. Only one party is needed for forgiveness: me. The person who owes me a debt does not have to ask my forgiveness. It is a work of grace in my heart.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Party #Writing #Heart

  • Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Practice #People #Dating

  • Good pain is pain in the service of a purpose. Bad pain is pain endured because we are resisting a needed growth step.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Pain #Growth #Purpose

  • True intimacy is only build around the freedom to disagree.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Intimacy #Disagree

  • Confronting an irresponsible person is not painful to him; only consequences are.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Painful #Persons #Consequence

  • The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Gratitude #And Love #Evaluation

  • To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Giving Up #Growth #Return

  • Marriage is not slavery. It is based on a love relationship deeply rooted in freedom. Each partner is free from the other and therefore free to love the other. Where there is control, or perception of control, there is not love. Love only exists where there is freedom.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Love #Perception #Age

  • There is a difference between solitude and isolation. One is connected and one isn't. Solitude replenishes, isolation diminishes.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Differences #Solitude #Isolation

  • We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Want

  • Spouses in healthy relationships cherish each other's space and are champions of each other's causes.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Space #Healthy #Champion

  • If you are building a culture where honest expectations are communicated and peer accountability is the norm, then the group will address poor performance and attitudes.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Attitude #Expectations #Accountability

  • Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Games #Numbers #People

  • It’s scary to realize that the only thing holding our friends to us isn’t our performance, or our lovability, or their guilt, or their obligation. The only thing that will keep them calling, spending time with us, and putting up with us is love. And that’s the one thing we can’t control.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Scary #Guilt #Calling

  • Whatever's happening today, remember it is only ONE SCENE in a long movie. Don't treat it like it's the whole story. Keep writing the story.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Writing #Long #Stories

  • Because dating is a human exercise, it can be a tightrope fraught with danger. You will be dating imperfect people, and some of them are more imperfect than others. In addition, you are not perfect either, so that complicates the picture.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Exercise #People #Perfect

  • Dating is not only a wonderful time of life, but also a context for enormous spiritual and personal growth. You learn so much about yourself, others, God, love, spirituality, and life through dating. Done well, it can be fulfilling in and of itself. Done well, it can be one of the most fun and rewarding aspects of your life. Done well, it can lead to a good marriage.
    -- Henry Cloud

    #Spiritual #Fun #Dating