Evan Esar quotes
-
“America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.”
-- Evan EsarSource : Evan Esar (1961). “Humorous English: a guide to comic usage, jocular speech and writing, and witty grammar”
-
“Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Some couples divorce because of a misunderstandin g; others, because they understand each other too well.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Compare what you want with what you have, and you'll be unhappy; compare what you deserve with what you have, and you'll be happy.”
-- Evan Esar#Perspective Quotes #Unhappy Quotes #What You Deserve Quotes
-
“You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A husband is like a fire. He goes out when unattended.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The car was invented as a convenient place to sit out traffic jams”
-- Evan Esar -
“Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.”
-- Evan Esar -
“We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.”
-- Evan Esar -
“When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Man is the control experiment of heredity and environment; and since his heredity controls him, he tries to control his environment.”
-- Evan Esar -
“If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Sometimes the unexpected happens when you don't expect a person to come up to expectations.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Do a little more every day than you are expected to do, and soon you will be expected to do more.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry -- and the world laughs harder.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The man who avoids debt doesn't have to worry about avoiding his creditors.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Las Vegas is a resort whose two chief sources of income are seven and eleven.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“The state of the Union largely depends on the state of the unions.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A husband may forget where he went on his honeymoon, but he never forgets why.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.”
-- Evan Esar -
“All men are born equal, but some of them outgrow it.”
-- Evan Esar -
“If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Some people worry because they are in debt; others, because they can't even get in.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Life is a battle of wits, and many people have to fight it unarmed.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.”
-- Evan Esar -
“There is nothing more dignified than a corpse.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The difference between two men is usually a woman.”
-- Evan Esar -
“If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal.”
-- Evan Esar -
“More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Women diet to retain their girlish figures or their boyish husbands.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Nowadays it's not who wears the pants in the family, but who carries the credit cards.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.”
-- Evan Esar -
“If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.”
-- Evan Esar -
“An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The disadvantage of becoming wise is that you realize how foolish you've been.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.”
-- Evan Esar -
“You can always tell the golfer who's winning: he's the one who keeps telling his opponent that it's only a game.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Every bride and groom would do well to remember that in wedding, the we comes before the I.”
-- Evan Esar -
“After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.”
-- Evan Esar -
“There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery; nowadays it is called moonlighting.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in the fall.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.”
-- Evan Esar -
“There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Worry makes people thin, except when they worry about being fat.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Some men are so eager for success that they are even willing to work for it.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Divorce has become so easy nowadays that women have stopped crying at weddings.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.”
-- Evan Esar -
“There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The trouble with the world is that laziness is seldom curable and never fatal.”
-- Evan Esar -
“When laziness attacks a woman, it always avoids her tongue.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.”
-- Evan Esar -
“A lazy man's wife is generally the power behind the drone.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.”
-- Evan Esar -
-
“The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.”
-- Evan Esar -
“The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.”
-- Evan Esar -
“Everything comes to him who waits -- if he waits till it comes.”
-- Evan Esar -
You may also like:
-
Addison Mizner
Architect -
Anita Loos
Screenwriter -
Arthur Bloch
Writer -
Bennett Cerf
Publisher -
Edgar Fiedler
Economist -
Erica Jong
Author -
Gene Fowler
Journalist -
Herbert V. Prochnow
Author -
James Thomas Fields
Publisher -
Joey Adams
Comedian -
Josh Billings
Humorist -
Oliver Herford
Writer -
Peter Viereck
Poet -
Robert A. Heinlein
Science writer -
Robert Jones Burdette
Paragrapher -
Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
Poet -
Wilson Mizner
Playwright