New Girlfriend Quotes:

Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly.

- Robert Harling

source: "Steel Magnolias". m.imdb.com. 1989.

topic: Tattoo, Girlfriend, New Girlfriend, Magnolias

You can learn as much - or more - from one glance at a private space as you can from hours of exposure to a public face.

- Malcolm Gladwell

topic: Space, Faces, Hours, New Girlfriend

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

- Anthony Jeselnik

topic: Girlfriend, Upset, Cry, My Girlfriend, New Girlfriend

Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys." And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend." Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.

- Anthony Jeselnik

source: "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

topic: Girlfriend, Dad, Writing, Car Keys, New Girlfriend

Everybody I've ever met was destroyed by a member of the opposite sex early on and that damage you took into every relationship after that, everybody. Every woman in here got intimidated by a guy, pushed around too much, now you're new boyfriend tickles you a little too hard, boom restraining order. Every guy here had a woman sleep with his best friend, now your new girlfriend hugs your cousin a little long, boom car bomb.

- Christopher Titus

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Girlfriend, Cousin, Sex, Hug You, New Girlfriend

Anyone who has ever scanned the bookshelves of a new girlfriend or boyfriend- or peeked inside his or her medicine cabinet- understands this implicitly; you can learn as much - or more - from one glance at a private space as you can from hours of exposure to a public face.

- Malcolm Gladwell

topic: Girlfriend, Medicine, Space, Bookshelves, New Girlfriend

Leaving America is like losing twenty pounds and finding a new girlfriend.

- Phil Ochs

topic: Girlfriend, America, Leaving, New Girlfriend

Otrera stayed dead the second time," Kinzie said, batting her eyes. "We have to thank you for that. If you ever need a new girlfriend...well, I think you'd look great in an iron collar and an orange jumpsuit." Percy couldn't tell if she was kidding or not. He politely thanked her and changed seats.

- Rick Riordan

topic: Girlfriend, Eye, Thinking, Jumpsuits, New Girlfriend

A new club is like having a new girlfriend – you don't have feelings straight away

- Michael Owen

topic: Girlfriend, Feelings, Clubs, New Girlfriend

She's gone. Been gone for ages. They split up right after you left. That's why the grass out front started growing again." "He's got a new girlfriend?" she said quietly. "Thank god. You must be happy." "Yeah. He does. It's a relief. She's a lot nicer. But then, your average angry snake is nicer than Fiona. I'm sure she's happier wherever she is now, burning orphans or whatever she does with her time.

- Maureen Johnson

source: Maureen Johnson (2011). “The Last Little Blue Envelope”, p.14, Harper Collins

topic: Girlfriend, Average, Snakes, New Girlfriend

My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn". Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long.

- Mitch Hedberg

topic: Funny, Girlfriend, Humor, Old Girlfriend, New Girlfriend

I am a spiritual person in an eastern religion kind of way. I learned that happiness for all of us is a switch that you flick in your brain. It doesn't have anything to do with getting a new house, a new car, a new girlfriend, or a new pair of shoes. Our culture is very much about that; we are never happy with what we have today.

- Tom Ford

topic: Spiritual, Girlfriend, Shoes, New Girlfriend

Learn, he says, that there will be hours, days and months ahead of feeling absolutely terrible and nothing can change that; neither new girlfriends, health professionals, changes of diet, dope, humility, or God.

- Charles Bukowski

topic: Girlfriend, Humility, Dope, Health Professionals, New Girlfriend