Hilarious Sports Quotes:

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

- Tiger Woods

topic: Basketball, Sports, Fashion, Inspirational Golf, Funniest Sports

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

- Joe Theismann

source: "Conrad Smith sees USA challenge in all black and white: it's about the win" by Alexander Bisley, www.theguardian.com. October 30, 2014.

topic: Funny, Sports, Football, Great Sports, Sports Football

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.

- Gordie Howe

topic: Sports, Hockey, Player, Profanity, Funniest Sports

Ray Lewis is the type of guy, if he were in a fight with a bear I wouldn't help him, I'd pour honey on him because he likes to fight. That's the type of guy Ray Lewis is.

- Shannon Sharpe

topic: Sports, Fighting, Guy, Funniest Sports, Stupid Sports

I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that.

- Jerry Rice

topic: Sports, Dumb, Feels, Funniest Sports, Stupid Sports

When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey.

- Randy Moss

topic: Sports, Writing, Dumb, Funniest Sports, Dumb Sports

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win.

- Doug Collins

topic: Funny, Basketball, Sports, Funniest Sports, Stupid Sports

To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too.

- Matt Millen

topic: Mom, Running, Kids, Funniest Sports, Hilarious Sports

Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some of the guys on the team.

- Terrell Owens

topic: Sports, Team, Guy, Stupid Sports, Dumb Sports

Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.

- Shelby Metcalf

topic: Funny, Basketball, Son, Hilarious Sports

I owe a lot to my parents, especially by mother and my father.

- Greg Norman

source: "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

topic: Mother, Father, Golf, Favorite Sports, Funniest Sports

My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

- Chuck Nevitt

topic: Sports, Baby, Uncles, Sports Stars, Stupid Celebrity

These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.

- Charles Barkley

topic: Basketball, Sports, Shoes, Rebound, Funniest Sports

If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

- Terry Venables

topic: Funny, Thinking, Dumb, Funniest Sports, Stupid Sports

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

- Terry Bradshaw

topic: Football, Stupid, Nfl, Not Stupid, Sports Football

I led the league in go get 'em next time.

- Bob Uecker

source: Bill Schroeder, Drew Olson, Craig Counsell, Bob Uecker (2016). “If These Walls Could Talk: Milwaukee Brewers: Stories from the Milwaukee Brewers Dugout, Locker Room, and Press Box”, p.46, Triumph Books

topic: Baseball, League, Ems, Hilarious Sports

Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.

- Dennis Rodman

topic: Funny, Sports, School, Funniest Sports, Stupid Sports

I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl.

- Russ Grimm

topic: Mother, Running, Memorable, Hilarious Sports

Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.

- Alex Rodriguez

topic: Good Things, Therapy, Stupid Sports, Dumb Sports, Hilarious Sports

When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you're getting your ***** hammered by guys, there's no better feeling than to have that done.

- Matt Stairs

topic: Sports, Nice, Guy, Funniest Sports, Funny Sports

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted

- George Best

topic: Funny, Silly, Drink, Hilarious Sports

But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

- Steve Spurrier

topic: Sports, Real, Tragedy, Best Coaches, Funniest Sports

I don't think there's anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers...I mean Chargers.

- Bill Belichick

topic: Sports, Mean, Thinking, Funniest Sports, Dumb Sports

I want your heart, I want to eat your children.

- Mike Tyson

topic: Children, Heart, Want, Eat Your Heart, Great Boxing

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.

- John Lambie

topic: Soccer, Get Him Back, Chairman, Funny Football, Hilarious Sports

Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.

- Doug Plank

topic: Sports, Football, Player, Sports Football, Funniest Sports

You guys line up alphabetically by height.

- Bill Peterson

topic: Sports, Guy, Lines, Sports Football, Funniest Sports

The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level.

- Chuck LaMar

topic: Sports, Baseball, Loss, Funniest Sports, Stupid Sports

I don't want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win.

- Sherman Douglas

topic: Basketball, Winning, Games, Funniest Sports, Hilarious Sports

He's one of the best power forwards of all-time. I take my hands off to him.

- Scottie Pippen

topic: Sports, Hands, Dumb, Take My Hand, Stupid Sports