Funny Football Quotes:

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

- Phyllis Diller

topic: Football, Motivational Sports, Inspiration, Homecoming, Sports Football

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Soccer, Sports, Football, American Football, Funny Sports

You guys line up alphabetically by height.

- Bill Peterson

topic: Sports, Guy, Lines, Sports Football, Funniest Sports

Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.

- Don Shula

topic: Sports, Football, Mean, Sports Football, Funny Sports

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

- Joe Theismann

source: "Conrad Smith sees USA challenge in all black and white: it's about the win" by Alexander Bisley, www.theguardian.com. October 30, 2014.

topic: Funny, Sports, Football, Great Sports, Sports Football

Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport.

- Duffy Daugherty

source: Quoted in L.A. Times, 5 Oct. 1963

topic: Sports, Football, Contact, Inspirational Football Coach, Sports Coach

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport...

- Vince Lombardi

topic: Dance, Sports, Football, Inspirational Football Coach, Sports Coaching

I'm a firm believer that all sports will eventually be global. Someday, we may have a quarterback from China named Yao Fling.

- Paul Tagliabue

topic: Sports, Football, May, Fling, Funny American Football

One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.

- Alan Shearer

topic: Done, Accusation, False Accusation, Footy, Funny Football

If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was wearing, I'd run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother.

- Bo Jackson

source: Bo Jackson, Dick Schaap (1990). “Bo knows Bo: the autobiography of a ballplayer”, Doubleday Books

topic: Soccer, Mother, Running, I Love My Mother, Motivational Football

The Refrigerator" Perry: "I've been big ever since I was little.

- Prince William

topic: Football, Littles, Bigs, Nfl Football, Dumb Sports

Football: A sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.

- Elbert Hubbard

source: Quoted in Colin Jarman The Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations (1990).

topic: Sports, Football, Agriculture, Sports Football, Funny Sports

I wouldn't be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the league.

- Mark Viduka

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Soccer, Soccer Player, Stupid Sports

When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something.

- Dick Butkus

topic: Football, Hurt, Games, Playing Football, Offensive Line

I'd catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.

- Steve Henderson

topic: Football, Play, Nfl, Pro Football, Funny American Football

I'm as happy as I can be-but I have been happier.

- Ugo Ehiogu

topic: Soccer, Funny Soccer, Soccer Player, Footy, Funny Football

I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.

- Barry Venison

topic: Soccer, Boots, Firsts, Soccer Player, Stupid Sports

American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.

- Sue Lawley

topic: Football, Party, Looks, American Football, Tupperware

Terry Bradshaw couldn’t spell ‘cat’ if you spotted him the ‘C’ and the ‘A’.

- Thomas Henderson

source: Thomas Henderson (1988). “Out of Control”, Pocket

topic: Cat, Nfl Players, Nfl Football, Pro Football, Funny Football

Germany are a very difficult team to play... they have eleven internationals out there today.

- Steve Lomas

topic: Funny, Soccer, Team, Soccer Player, Playing Soccer

Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it.

- Woody Hayes

topic: Football, Jail, Way, Sports Football, American Football

Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.

- Frank Gifford

topic: Sports, Football, Warfare, American Football, Funny Sports

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.

- George Raveling

topic: Basketball, Running, Football, Inspirational Football Coach, Sports Football

I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.

- Les Ferdinand

topic: Soccer, Football, Surprise, Soccer Player, Motivational Soccer

I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.

- Jack Tatum

source: Jack Tatum, Bill Kushner (1980). “They Call Me Assassin”, Avon Books

topic: Soccer, Believe, Borders, Inspirational Football, Motivational Football

The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.

- John Madden

topic: Inspirational, Leadership, Teamwork, Inspirational Football, Great Sports

You've got to believe you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.

- Peter Shilton

topic: Motivational, Soccer, Believe, Soccer Player, Footy

It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.

- Gordon Strachan

source: "The best Gordon Strachan quips". www.thescottishsun.co.uk. January 16, 2013.

topic: Soccer, Incredibles, Stardom, Funny Football

The people don't take baths and they don't speak English. No golf courses, no room service. Who needs it?

- Jim McMahon

topic: Football, Golf, People, Room Service, Funny Football

I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.

- Stuart Pearce

topic: Soccer, Tunnels, Ends, Stupid Sports, Footy

I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years.

- Martin Hodge

topic: Football, Years, Four, Funny Football

I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body.

- Dave Barry

source: Dave Barry (2012). “The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer: And Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry”, p.33, Andrews McMeel Publishing

topic: Football, Past, Player, Watching Football, Football Game

I never make predictions and I never will.

- Paul Gascoigne

topic: Football, Predictions, Stupid Sports, Funny Football

What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.

- John Carew

topic: Soccer, Football, Orange, Funny Football

Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.

- Barry Sanders

topic: Football, Important, Life Is, Pro Football, Funny Football

Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo.

- Tony Kornheiser

topic: Football, Men, Levels, Alamo, Funny Football

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.

- John Lambie

topic: Soccer, Get Him Back, Chairman, Funny Football, Hilarious Sports

When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time.

- Max McGee

topic: Sports, Milk, Whiskey, Drinkers, Whiskey Drinking

There are two kinds of people in the world, observers and non-observers.

- John Steinbeck

topic: Football, Two, People, Notre Dame, Sweets And Desserts

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.

- Mary McGrory

topic: Baseball, Football, Inspirational Football, Nfl Football, Pro Football

I can play in the center, on the right and occasionally on the left side.

- David Beckham

topic: Funny, Sports, Play, Footy, Funny Football

I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today.

- Gerald R. Ford

topic: Sports, Football, Names, Packers, Lineman

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?

- Jim Bouton

topic: Teamwork, Sports, Baseball, Baseball Games, Sports Football

If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day.

- H. L. Hunt

topic: Funny, Soccer, Believe, Soccer Player, Footy

Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.

- David Beckham

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Soccer, Ferguson, Footy

I learned that if you want to make it bad enough, no matter how bad it is, you can make it.

- Gale Sayers

source: Gale Sayers, Al Silverman (1972). “I Am Third”

topic: Athlete, Want, Matter, Inspirational Football, Sports Spirit

There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they're both a pain in the ass.

- Dan Devine

topic: Football, Pain, College, Notre Dame, Great Football

I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.

- Ian Rush

source: 'It Was Like Living in a Foreign Country' by Lee Honeyball, www.theguardian.com. February 06, 2005.

topic: Funny, Soccer, Football, Big Book, Soccer Player

You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.

- Dan Birdwell

topic: Soccer, Mother, Games, Inspirational Football, Inspirational Football Coach

When you win, nothing hurts.

- Joe Namath

topic: Softball, Sports, Baseball, Inspirational Softball, Motivational Football