Funny American Football Quotes:

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

- Phyllis Diller

topic: Football, Motivational Sports, Inspiration, Homecoming, Sports Football

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

- Mark Twain

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Positive, Inspirational Football, Marathon Runners

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

- Vince Lombardi

topic: Sarcastic, Sports, Football, Running Out Of Time, Inspirational Football Coach

Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.

- Lou Holtz

topic: Motivational, Sports, Football, Inspirational Football Coach, College Sports

I don't know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf.

- Joe Namath

topic: Soccer, Grass, Pro Football, Funny American Football

I have 2 weapons; my arms, my legs and my brain.

- Michael Vick

topic: Football, Brain, Arms, Funny American Football

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

- Vince Lombardi

topic: Motivational, Positive, Graduation, Inspirational High School Graduation, Inspiring Sales

Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it.

- Woody Hayes

topic: Football, Jail, Way, Sports Football, American Football

Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.

- Don Shula

topic: Sports, Football, Mean, Sports Football, Funny Sports

I'd catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL.

- Steve Henderson

topic: Football, Play, Nfl, Pro Football, Funny American Football

Baseball and football are very different games. In a way, both of them are easy. Football is easy if you're crazy as hell. Baseball is easy if you've got patience. They'd both be easier for me if I were a little more crazy - and a little more patient.

- Bo Jackson

source: Bo Jackson, Dick Schaap (1990). “Bo knows Bo: the autobiography of a ballplayer”, Doubleday Books

topic: Sports, Baseball, Football, American Football, Funny American Football

If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was wearing, I'd run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother.

- Bo Jackson

source: Bo Jackson, Dick Schaap (1990). “Bo knows Bo: the autobiography of a ballplayer”, Doubleday Books

topic: Soccer, Mother, Running, I Love My Mother, Motivational Football

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Football, Funny Inspirational, College, Chores, Housework

Football isn't a contact sport; it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport...

- Vince Lombardi

topic: Dance, Sports, Football, Inspirational Football Coach, Sports Coaching

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

- Joe Theismann

source: "Conrad Smith sees USA challenge in all black and white: it's about the win" by Alexander Bisley, www.theguardian.com. October 30, 2014.

topic: Funny, Sports, Football, Great Sports, Sports Football

You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.

- Dan Birdwell

topic: Soccer, Mother, Games, Inspirational Football, Inspirational Football Coach

I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat.

- Art Donovan

topic: Light, Funny American Football

When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team.

- George Raveling

topic: Basketball, Running, Football, Inspirational Football Coach, Sports Football

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Thanksgiving, Sports, Food, Inspirational Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Day

The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.

- Vince Lombardi

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Basketball, Favorite Sports, Inspirational Commitment

Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.

- Frank Gifford

topic: Sports, Football, Warfare, American Football, Funny Sports

When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something.

- Dick Butkus

topic: Football, Hurt, Games, Playing Football, Offensive Line

If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same.

- Bob Golic

topic: Football, Kids, Play, Playing Football, Nfl Football

I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that.

- Jerry Rice

topic: Sports, Dumb, Feels, Funniest Sports, Stupid Sports

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?

- Jim Bouton

topic: Teamwork, Sports, Baseball, Baseball Games, Sports Football

I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.

- Terry Bradshaw

topic: Football, Stupid, Nfl, Not Stupid, Sports Football

Let's face it, you have to have a slightly recessive gene that has a little something to do with the brain to go out on the football field and beat your head against other human beings on a daily basis.

- Tim Green

topic: Football, Brain, Littles, Nfl Football, Funny American Football

Football: A sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.

- Elbert Hubbard

source: Quoted in Colin Jarman The Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations (1990).

topic: Sports, Football, Agriculture, Sports Football, Funny Sports

I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.

- Jack Tatum

source: Jack Tatum, Bill Kushner (1980). “They Call Me Assassin”, Avon Books

topic: Soccer, Believe, Borders, Inspirational Football, Motivational Football

American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party.

- Sue Lawley

topic: Football, Party, Looks, American Football, Tupperware

We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that, we're just not a very good football team right now.

- Bruce Coslet

topic: Soccer, Football, Running, Sports Football, Motivational Football

I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body.

- Dave Barry

source: Dave Barry (2012). “The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer: And Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry”, p.33, Andrews McMeel Publishing

topic: Football, Past, Player, Watching Football, Football Game

The Refrigerator" Perry: "I've been big ever since I was little.

- Prince William

topic: Football, Littles, Bigs, Nfl Football, Dumb Sports

Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.

- George Will

topic: Football, Inspiration, Nfl, Sports Football, Funny Sports

Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.

- John Heisman

topic: Football, Boys, Gentleman, Sports Football, Nfl Players

We're going to start with the injury report, obviously. Manning, Clark, Addai, Reggie Wayne, Freeney, Mathis, Brackett - all those guys will not play. Oh, hold up. That was my wish list for Santa Claus.

- Rex Ryan

topic: Football, Play, Guy, Funny American Football

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

- Dave Barry

source: Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

topic: Football, Intelligent, Sharks, Shirt Off, City Of Chicago

You don't have to win it, just don't lose it.

- Ray Lewis

topic: Football, Winning, Nfl, Funny American Football

I was the originator of smack. Some guys rattle with smack; with other guys it rolls right off their shoulders like nothing.

- Deacon Jones

topic: Football, Guy, Shoulders, Pro Football, Funny American Football

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

- Erma Bombeck

topic: Soccer, Sports, Football, American Football, Funny Sports

Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it.

- Luke Salisbury

topic: Funny, Football, Eye, Watching Football, Funny American Football

There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.

- Alfred Hitchcock

topic: Football, Team, Moving, Sports Football, Football Game

Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport.

- Duffy Daugherty

source: Quoted in L.A. Times, 5 Oct. 1963

topic: Sports, Football, Contact, Inspirational Football Coach, Sports Coach

Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.

- Doug Plank

topic: Sports, Football, Player, Sports Football, Funniest Sports

I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.

- Alex Karras

topic: Football, Iowa, Two, Nfl Players, College Football

Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become.

- Mary McGrory

topic: Baseball, Football, Inspirational Football, Nfl Football, Pro Football

You guys line up alphabetically by height.

- Bill Peterson

topic: Sports, Guy, Lines, Sports Football, Funniest Sports

You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.

- Bill Peterson

topic: Funny, Circles, Guy, Favorite Sports, Really Stupid

I'm a firm believer that all sports will eventually be global. Someday, we may have a quarterback from China named Yao Fling.

- Paul Tagliabue

topic: Sports, Football, May, Fling, Funny American Football

There are two kinds of people in the world, observers and non-observers.

- John Steinbeck

topic: Football, Two, People, Notre Dame, Sweets And Desserts