Dave Barry Quotes and Sayings
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“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.”
-- Dave Barry -
“I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.”
-- Dave Barry -
“Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.”
-- Dave Barry -
“I've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even those people who love him very much.”
-- Dave Barry -
“Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.”
-- Dave Barry -
“I always assumed that at some point I would have to quit making jokes, get a real job and do something meaningful and productive that would actually benefit society. Fortunately this never happened.”
-- Dave Barry -
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
-- Dave Barry -
“The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That we live in a world were women actually expect you to think thoughtful thoughts, and have real emotions, which we don't have. Having to try to live up to the imaginary ideal that women have of what men are, instead of just being what you are, which is just a pathetic creature, but still.”
-- Dave Barry -
“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'”
-- Dave Barry