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“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Family #Mom #Mother
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“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Dream #Courage #Kindness
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“Cats invented self-esteem.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Self Esteem #Cat #Self
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“Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Memorable #Terrorism #Oblivion
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“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Funny Inspirational #Children #White
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“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Inspirational #Funny #Humorous
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“If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Inspirational #Life #Laughter
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“There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Christmas #Spiritual #Morning
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“You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#4th Of July #Kids #Gun
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“Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Religious #Cheese #Toasters
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“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Funny #Kids #Car
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“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Summer #Mother #Hurt
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“Children make your life important.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Children #Important #Literature
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“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Funny #Family #Mom
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“People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Funny #Wedding #Husband
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“He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures... but he was never in them.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Daughter #Cutting #Doors
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“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Children #Ideas #Two
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“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Happiness #Hurt #Laughter
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“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Inspirational #Funny #Life
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“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Hilarious #Food #Odds
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“Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Funny Friendship #Garden #Years
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“Never order food in excess of your body weight.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Badass #Order #Racist
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“It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Jobs #Motherhood #Training
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“With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Boys #Air #Trying
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“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Funny #Life #Witty
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“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Soccer #Sports #Football
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“No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Mother #Running #Holiday
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“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Loss #Two #Literature
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“Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Spring #Real #Coffee
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“When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.”
-- Erma Bombeck
#Cookies #Tough
