Ambrose Bierce Quotes and Sayings - Page 1
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“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
-- Ambrose BierceSource : Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.13, University of Georgia Press
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“Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
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“Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”
-- Ambrose BierceSource : Ambrose Bierce (2009). “The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Super Large 18pt Edition”, p.271, ReadHowYouWant.com
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“Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
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“Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
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“Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
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“They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
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“Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.”
-- Ambrose BierceSource : Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.133, University of Georgia Press
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“Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
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“Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“To the eye of failure success is an accident.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
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“In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ***** and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.”
-- Ambrose Bierce -
“diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.”
-- Ambrose Bierce
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