Art Buchwald Quotes and Sayings - Page 1
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“There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: "Look at this Godawful mess.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I can now say without hesitation the Marine Corps was the best foster home I ever had.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“This is what makes me happy: ...Any music-free restaurant ... A grandson who offers to clean the snow off my driveway and also fix my computer ... An evening in bed with a good book. ... A good night's sleep ... As you can see, it doesn't take much to make me happy.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“Every once in a while your world stands still... There are certain friendships that are so important they leave a mark on you long after the person is gone.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I know it's very egocentric to believe that someone is put on Earth for a reason. In my case, I like to think I was.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“Writers are funny about reviews: when they get a good one they ignore it-- but when they get a bad review they never forget it. Every writer I know is the same way: you get a hundred good reviews, and one bad, andyou remember only the bad. For years, you go on and fantasize about the reviewer who didn't like your book; you imagine him as a jerk, a wife-beater, a real ogre. And, in the meantime, the reviewer has forgotten all about the whole thing. But, twenty years later, the writer still remembers that one bad review.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week”
-- Art Buchwald -
“The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“I don't know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I assure you it's the only time you've got. You can either sit on your expletive deleted or pick a daisy.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.”
-- Art Buchwald -
“This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.”
-- Art Buchwald