Derek Landy quotes
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You have no idea the power generated each time somebody is told a story. When a conscious, sentient mind willingly ignores what is real, what is fact, and instead chooses to invest in people and places that never existed...It's magnificent.
-- Derek Landy -
Right, well, we've got to work out what we need. We've got to work out what we need, how we get it, and what we need to get to get what we need.
-- Derek Landy -
The world is bigger than you know, and scarier than you might imagine. The only currency worth anything is being true to yourself, and the only goal worth seeking is finding out who you truly are.
-- Derek Landy -
Doors are for people with no imagination.
-- Derek Landy -
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Plans are invitation to disappointment.
-- Derek Landy -
Embrace your inner lunatic.
-- Derek Landy -
The problem with living so long is that we get used to it. We watch the mortals age and wither and die around us, watch the world change and decay...but no matter the hardship or the pain or the sorrow we suffer, we choose to continue living. Out of sheer habit, I think.
-- Derek Landy -
I need a weapon,†Valkyrie muttered. “You’re an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained in a variety of martial arts by some of the best ï¬ghters in the world,†Skulduggery pointed out. “I’m fairly certain that makes you a weapon.†“I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword... I want a stick.†“I’ll buy you a stick for Christmas.
-- Derek Landy -
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Every solution to every problem is simple. It's the distance between the two where the mystery lies.
-- Derek Landy -
Talking about one's feelings defeats the purpose of having those feelings. Once you try to put the human experience into words, it becomes little more than a spectator sport. Everything must have a cause, and a name. Every random thought must have a root in something else.
-- Derek Landy -
I have sought you out to cure me.' 'To cure you of what?' 'Of this cursed affliction.' 'I cannot cure stupidity.' Scapegrace frowned.
-- Derek Landy -
You're bored, aren't you.' 'I need constant distraction. Shall we go?' 'Uh, aren't you supposed to delegate responsibility or something? If you're not here, who's in charge?' Skulduggery looked around and pointed to a sorcerer at the far side of the cemetery. 'He is.' 'Who is he?' 'Don't know. He looks like leadership material, though, doesn't he?' 'Does he?' 'He's wearing a hat.' 'And that means he's a leader?' 'Leaders wear hats. It's to keep the rain off while we make important decisions. He'll do fine.' 'Shouldn't you tell him that he's in charge?' 'And spoil the surprise?
-- Derek Landy -
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You're in a bad mood,' Skulduggery said. 'I understand. I do. You're saying things that you don't really mean. It's OK.' 'I'll kill you both.' 'Hurtful things said in the heat of the moment. We're not going to hold it against you, Bison. We're all friends here.' Valkyrie nodded. 'We love you Bison.' 'We do,' Skulduggery agreed. 'You're our favourite Necromancer. You're the cuddly one.' 'Shut up,' Dragonclaw said. 'Both of you just shut up.
-- Derek Landy -
I cross the place where my heart used to be and hope to be even deader than I am now.
-- Derek Landy -
I would love to have a battle of wits with you, Bison, but I doubt it would be a fair fight.' 'Shut your face.' 'Exactly my point.
-- Derek Landy -
So how are we going to get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our own?' 'No, we're going to find a way to let our friends in, and then we'll let them fight while we stand by and look smug.' 'I like that plan.' 'It has its moments.
-- Derek Landy -
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Life isn't fair,' Skulduggery said. 'In my experience, death isn't so different.
-- Derek Landy -
Just leave her alone. You're annoying her.' 'I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know how to be annoyed. She's, what, a week old?' 'She's three months.' 'She's three months in our years, but what is she in baby years?
-- Derek Landy -
Valkyrie dialed Skulduggery's number and he picked up. 'Hey,' she said, 'It's me.' Skulduggery paused. 'No it's not. If it were me, then I'd be talking to myself, and I don't do that any more. I certainly don't RING myself. That's one of the first signs of madness, and if it's not, it should be.' She sighed. 'Are you finished talking nonsense?' 'I haven't talked nonsense all morning. I miss it.
-- Derek Landy -
You're late,' he said. 'I'm beautiful.' 'You're always beautiful.' 'I'm always late too.
-- Derek Landy -
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We may need to focus here.' 'Right. Yes. OK. Turn around.' 'Are you going to throw something at me?' 'What? No, I'm getting out of bed.
-- Derek Landy -
This isn't funny. She was almost killed.' 'I'm aware. You're waiting to see if I will get angry.' 'I already know you're angry. You're sitting very still and you're talking very quietly. You're getting ready to kill someone.' 'I just need a name.
-- Derek Landy -
It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride.
-- Derek Landy -
Well, to put it delicately, she has the power to suck out people's brains.
-- Derek Landy -
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You've been reading Gordan's book again, haven't you?" "It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride," she mumbled.
-- Derek Landy -
We're here on Sanctuary business," Skulduggery tried. The man on Deadfall's right bristled, and Deadfall grinned. "Hear that, Pete? They're with that Sanctuary." Hokum Pete snarled. "I hate the Sanctuary." "Oh," Skulduggery said. "We all hate the Sanctuary." "Ah. Then we're not here on Sanctuary business. I was just joking.
-- Derek Landy -
They might be kittens," she said hopefully. "They're stalking us." "They might be shy." "I don't think it's kittens, Valkyrie." "Puppies, then?
-- Derek Landy -
The Torment turned his head to him, and frowned. "Who are you?" "I'm... sorry? It's me, it's Vaurien. Vaurien Scapegrace. I... built the cellar for you?" "Oh," the Torment said. "You. Why are you back? I thought you were dead. It would have been nice if you were dead
-- Derek Landy -
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I used to be so good at that kind of thing," Skulduggery said quietly. "Well, my morale is certainly boosted," Valkyrie informed him. "Really?" "god no. That was terrible
-- Derek Landy -
I cannot have chaos erupting around me until I am prepared for it. I am a collector. I am an observer. I don't participate. My resources, and my standing, must be secure before I can allow the uncertainty of war to crash down upon us.
-- Derek Landy -
What would killing the Elders result in?" "Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?
-- Derek Landy -
You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects?' He waved his hand. 'Oh, I was only joking about that. I don't really think you murdered someone. Unless you did, in which case I reserve the right to say I knew it all along.
-- Derek Landy -
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You should have called us. Desmond would have picked you up.' 'No I wouldn't,' Valkyrie's dad said, stepping into earshot. 'Sorry, Fletcher, but I had important fatherly duties to take care of, which included eating breakfast, showering, and finding my trousers. Of those three, I only managed two. Without looking down, can you guess which one I missed?'... Fletcher smiled back. 'I just want to borrow Stephanie for a moment.' 'Take our daughter,' Valkryie's dad said, waving a hand airily. 'We have another one now.
-- Derek Landy -
You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I...' 'Don't?' 'Exactly,' he said happily.
-- Derek Landy -
Oh, China. How I have missed you.' 'And I have missed you, Eliza. But don't worry, next time my aim will be better.
-- Derek Landy -
I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.' 'My accent?' 'It is quite silly.' 'So you can't understand me?' 'Not a word.' 'Then how did you understand that?' 'I didn't.' ''You didn't understand what I just said?' 'That's right.' 'You understood that, though.' 'Not at all.' The American glowered.
-- Derek Landy -
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He crouched at the car window and looked in. 'What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one.' His finger jabbed the glass. 'That one's a bit ugly.
-- Derek Landy -
So what does that actually mean?' 'To be honest, Ghastly, I haven't a bull's notion.' 'Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,' Tipstaff said. 'Of course,' Skulduggery said. 'To be honest, Your Highness, I haven't a bull's notion.
-- Derek Landy -
We can do this the easy way,' Oblivious snarled. 'Or the hard way.' 'What's the easy way?' 'You leave immediately.' 'And what's the hard way?' 'We make you leave.' Skulduggery's head tilted. 'What was the easy way again?
-- Derek Landy -
I try not to underestimate my opponents, no matter how ridiculous their beards.
-- Derek Landy -
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She glared at him. 'I'm not weird like that. I'm good weird. I'm cool weird.' 'Yes,' he said doubtfully. 'Yes, you are.
-- Derek Landy -
He said a bad word. Do you want to know what it was? It started with F. It's not the one you're thinking of, though. To the other one. The one that ends with P. do you want to know what it was? It was troop." She frowned. "Wait that's not a word.
-- Derek Landy -
Even as she'd been writing it, she wondered if she was using too many exclamation marks, but she was glad she left them in. Nothing says "all is good in the world" like exclamation marks, after all.
-- Derek Landy -
I am a rational man, but haven't you heard? i'm also insane. It gives me a unique perspective on things.
-- Derek Landy -
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The Baron, unfortunately, turns it all the way up to eleven." "Seriously? Because, you know, that's one more evil
-- Derek Landy -
Annis had never been a people person, unless ‘people person’ was defined as a person who ate people.
-- Derek Landy -
This is stolen? We're in a stolen jet?" "Not stolen," said Donegan Bane from the co-pilot's seat. "Almost stolen," Grascious corrected. "Semi-stolen," said Donegan. "Quasi stolen," said Grascious. Aurora's frown did not turn upside down. "So is it stolen or not?" Donegan and Grascious hesitated. "Yes,"they both said toghether.
-- Derek Landy -
Ladies and gentleman," he said over the speakers, "welcome aboard this recently liberated Gulfstream V. If I could have your attention for just a few moments, I'd like to go over the safety features of this aircraft. It has an engine, to make us go, and wings, to keep us in the air. There are seatbelts, which won't do you an awful lot of good if we fly into the side of a mountain.
-- Derek Landy -
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Sanguine chuckled. "I like you, boy. You got optimism in these bones. I like you so much that I ain't gonna tell you what I did to poor old Jethro, the first Jethro, may he rest in peace, may they someday find his head.
-- Derek Landy -
You said I was your number-one pick." "And you are. In our hearts. Alphabetically, though, Dusk comes before you.
-- Derek Landy -
While my insides may be rotten, I still like a good reason to kill someone. It has to be either business, personal, or out of sheer boredom.
-- Derek Landy -
Cheer up everyone," he said, a new brightness to his voice. "Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?
-- Derek Landy -
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Doesn't sunlight kill them? Doesn't it turn them to dust, or make them burst into flames or something?" "Nope. Vampires tan, just like you and me. Well, just like you. I tend to bleach.
-- Derek Landy -
We live in a time of fear," Skulduggery said, "where we're too scared of upsetting the status quo to ask the questions we need to be asking.
-- Derek Landy -
A living skeleton isn't enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?
-- Derek Landy -
I don’t want a perfectly safe weapon. I want a dangerous weapon that hurts people.†He took the stick from her, rapped it against her head. She howled and he nodded. “See? It hurts people.
-- Derek Landy -
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This book is dedicated to you. Whether you are a Minion or a Skuttlebug or just, you know, a normal person, it’s because of you that I get to do what I love and laughingly call it work. I know some of you by name and some of you by sight (and some of you by smell, but let’s not get into that) but there are still countless others I have never met, and to all of you I say thank you for your support, your passion, and your lunacy.
-- Derek Landy -
Don't be jealous of my genius.
-- Derek Landy -
Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful
-- Derek Landy -
Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.
-- Derek Landy -
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Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.' 'Do we have the right plan?' 'Not yet.' 'Do we have any plan?' 'Not yet.
-- Derek Landy -
The sparrow flies south for the winter.
-- Derek Landy -
I could've died because you had to tie your shoelace?
-- Derek Landy -
Is that it?†“No. That’s a wall.†“It could be disguised.†“You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?†“I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one.
-- Derek Landy -
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Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.
-- Derek Landy -
You’re seventeen. You’re supposed to be dealing with school and hormones and dim-witted parents. You’re supposed to be finding out who you are as a person.†“But I already know who I am,†Valkyrie said. “I’m a world-breaker.
-- Derek Landy -
I don’t need you sensitive, Skulduggery. I need you aloof and irresponsible and arrogant. That’s why I love you. That’s why I let you hang out with me.†“I’m truly blessed.†She grinned. “You love me, too. Once you admit it, everything will be better.†“They’re about to hook up the Cube to the Accelerator,†he said, and turned and walked off. She followed. “You can’t run from your feelings.†“I can walk from them.
-- Derek Landy -
Tides do what tides do–they turn.
-- Derek Landy -
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Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eighth or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise you know? 'oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought
-- Derek Landy -
It's really not as bad as it sounds. I was attacked by a shark once, back when I was alive. Well, not so much a shark as a rather large fish. And not so much attacked as looked at menacingly. But it had murder in its eyes, that fish. I knew, in that instant, if our roles had been reversed and the fish had been holding the fishing pole and I had been the one to be caught, it wouldn't hesitate a moment before eating me. So I cooked it and ate before it had a chance to turn the tables.
-- Derek Landy -
He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked. "That's it?" He looked up. "Sorry?" "Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town." "It's got a car alarm." "Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?" "No. It's a pretty good car alarm.
-- Derek Landy -
Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I’m ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don’t have dragon wings, I don’t breathe fire, I’m only eight feet tall and I’ve never eaten a newborn that didn’t have it coming. My name is Mevolent. What’s yours?
-- Derek Landy -
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Because I’m an English ninja,†Tanith replied. “We’re just like regular ninjas, except we wear leather and flirt more.
-- Derek Landy -
You have an amazing ability to depress me sometimes, you know that?" "I try my best.
-- Derek Landy -
She's you, without your conscience, or your feelings. She's you without your humanity." "You're saying she's a mood swing?" He shrugged. "Or maybe you're her mood swing." "Don't even joke about that.
-- Derek Landy -
The next time? Oh, my dear Eliza, you're not going to carry on with this, are you? The Faceless Ones had their chance. They returned and they were sent away again. It's time to move on. Time to take up another hobby, like crocheting, or serial killing.
-- Derek Landy -
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Fletcher appeared beside her. He peered at the baby. "Can it do any tricks yet?" "I'm still working on it. Want to hold her?" "God, no," Fletcher said laughing. "I'd drop it." "It's not an it, it's my baby sister. Go on, hold her. You won't make a mess of it, i swear. Only an idiot could drop a baby." "You always say I am an idiot." "But you're a special kind of idiot. Here." She passed Alice into his arms, and he stood there, rigid, a look of intense concentration on his face.
-- Derek Landy -
I'm sorry? No more smooches is worse than the world ending?
-- Derek Landy -
Clarabelle...Clarabelle... You worked as Kenspeckle Grouse's assistant, did you not?' 'One of the. He fired all the others.' 'But not you?' 'He fired me on the second day, but I kept coming in. I had nowhere else to go.' 'And then you killed him.' 'Yes.' 'A Remnant squirmed inside you, and you killed Kenspeckle Grouse.' 'Yes.' Nye grinned. 'You're hired. But I have warn you, if you try to kill me, I will dissect you and sing along to your screams.' 'Can I have Mondays off?' 'You may.
-- Derek Landy -
I’m just waiting for the violent urges to subside.
-- Derek Landy -
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An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said. 'I could have tripped.' She stared at him. A moment dragged by. 'I'm joking,' he said at last. She relaxed. 'Really?' 'Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.
-- Derek Landy -
Are you taking my hat hostage?
-- Derek Landy -
Well, for future reference, this is my serious face.
-- Derek Landy -
Please forgive me," Pleasant said, then aimed the gun at the girl and pulled the trigger.
-- Derek Landy -
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