Daniel Handler Quotes and Sayings - Page 1

“For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Lonely #Firsts #Mets

“What should we call him?" Klaus asked. "You should call him Dr. Montgomery," Mr. Poe replied, "unless he tells you to call him Montgomery. Both his first and last names are Montgomery, so it doesn't make much difference." "His name is Montgomery Montgomery?" Klaus said, smiling. "Yes, and I'm sure he's very sensitive about that, so don't ridicule him," Mr. Poe said, coughing again into his handkerchief.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Names #Differences #Drs

“I think I’ve always believed that there is one person in the universe who you’re truly meant for–for whom you are truly meant–and the fact that sometimes there are two or even more people on the earth you can fall in love with really bothers me. It suggests that if you work hard you can be meant for anyone.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Falling In Love #Hard Work #Thinking

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Love #Family #Baby

“They say love's like a bus, and if you wait long enough another one will come along, but not in this place where the buses are slow and most of the cute ones are gay.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Cute #Gay #Long

“A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Book #Ignorance #Islands

“The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Heart #Desire #Turns

“Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Cake #Glasses #Order

“I’d ruin any day, all my days, for those long nights with you, and I did.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Night #Long #Ruins

“There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of course, it's hidden right there, of course it's the truth and you in your seat have failed to notice in the dark.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Dream #Dark #Directors

“Either you have the feeling or you don't. Hawk Davies”
-- Daniel Handler

#Feelings #Hawks

“The difference between a house and a home is like the difference between a man and a woman-- it might be embarrassing to explain, but it would be very unusual to get them confused.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Confused #Home #Men

“Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Educational #Book #Reading

“It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Home #Sadness #Ice Cream

“I gasped and pointed the way. I gave you an adventure, Ed, right in front of you but you never saw it until I showed you, and that's why we broke up.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Adventure #Way #Saws

“Hal is on his way." The nurse announced reentering the room.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Nurse #Way #Rooms

“Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Mean #Night #Giving

“Appearance matters a great deal because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they present themselves.”
-- Daniel Handler

#People #Matter #Appearance

“You might be afraid of the dark, but the dark is not afraid of you. That’s why the dark is always close by.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Dark #Might #Not Afraid

“Blinded following the Blindfolded”
-- Daniel Handler

#Following

“If you have ever had a miserable experience, then you have probably had it said to you that you would feel better in the morning. This, of course, is utter nonsense, because a miserable experience remains a miserable experience even on the loveliest of morning.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Morning #Feel Better #Miserable

“For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”
-- Daniel Handler

#War #White #Apples

“People don't always get what they deserve in this world.”
-- Daniel Handler

#People #World #This World

“The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Keys #Caught #Eavesdropping

“I do what I do," I said, "in order to do something else.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Order #Said

“Sometimes words are not enough. There are some circumstances so utterly wretched that I cannot describe them in sentences or paragraphs or even a whole series of books.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Book #Sometimes #Enough

“It was a curious feeling, that something could be so close and so distant at the same time.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Feelings #Curious

“Sometimes the things you’ve lost can be found again in unexpected places.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Unexpected #Sometimes #Lost

“I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands." Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse than both of your situations." But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said, as Sunny climbed back out of the trunk and knelt down in the snow. "You're putting powder on your face right now.”
-- Daniel Handler

#Strong #Jealous #Makeup

“How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?”
-- Daniel Handler

#Wonderful #Terrible