Gordon Korman quotes

  • Ask yourself: 'Do I feel the need to laminate?' Then teaching is for you.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Teacher #Teaching #Needs

  • When we lock things away," he said with conviction, "we're really imprisoning ourselves.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Locks #Conviction #Said

  • Ask me. I'm a cow expert.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Experts #Cows #Ask Me

  • If it isn't on YouTube, it might as well have never happened.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Might #Youtube #Wells

  • The thing about a cavity search is this: it has nothing to do with the dentist.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Dentist

  • Be the Ambulance. Make toast.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Ambulance #Toasts

  • If the cake fits, eat it!
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Cake #Fit

  • Slime him, sis," Dan urged, "Make him a redcoat.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Slime

  • Nellie's brow furrowed. "The great Mr. Hip-Hop Mogul standing in line with the common peasants? How do you figure that?" Dan grinned. "I'm starting to dig this 'no cars' thing. It's a great equalizer.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Car #Hip Hop #Moguls

  • They crested a rise, and there it was, in the hollow between rolling hills—a low, square building, ghostly gray in the moonlight. "Is that it?" asked Hamilton. "It probably isn't the local opera house," groaned Ian.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Squares #House #Rolling

  • The key to the city of Florence was about two feet long, and painted a garish gold. Hamilton was fascinated by it. "Wow! How big is the lock?" Jonah laughed. "There is no lock, cuz. It's an honorary gig. Back in my crib in LA, I've got a whole shed full of keys from different cities. Want to know the kicker? I can't get at them. The gardener lost the key to the shed.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Feet #Keys #Cities

  • Where's Amy?" Ian put in. "Will you please get her to call that Evan character? He rings here twenty times a day. He's either the most mule-headed person who ever lived, or he really likes your sister. She has to have mercy on him–on all of us!
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Character #Likes #Twenties

  • The phone rang in the comm. center. Ian consulted the monitor. "It's Dan." He pressed a button. "Kabra here." Dan's voice crackled through the attic. "Don't say it like that," he complained. "Your name still gives me heartburn.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Voice #Phones #Names

  • What does it feel like to get shot?" "I don't recommend it," said Nellie in a controlled voice. "Chocolate is definitely better.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Voice #Chocolate #Doe

  • Free food!" mumbled Hamilton, his mouth full. "No wonder you're rich. You don't have to pay for anything." "Since when is it free?" Jonah demanded. "If I don't leave a big tip, it'll be all over Europe that the Wiz is a cheapskate! They'll seat me behind the sound-man from the penguin movie at the Oscars!
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Men #Europe #Oscars

  • No fair! Those guys ripped off what we rightfully stole!
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Guy

  • Sinead broke in. "The cops need to know what to do with Evan, Amy. What should I tell them?" "Shoot to kill?" Ian suggested.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Needs #Amy #Cop

  • Jonah peered critically up at the Renaissance masterpiece. "Man, those copies don't due it justice. This one's the truth!" "Only a Janus," groaned Hamilton.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Men #Justice #Renaissance

  • Hamilton had a complaint. "Why did you have to tell the cops I'm your boyfriend? That's gross, Amy. We're related!" Amy was disgusted. "We had a common ancestor, like, five hundred years ago. Besides, if they think we're together, we only have to come up with one story, and I can do all the talking." "Hey, I got an early acceptance to Notre Dame," Hamilton said defensively. "I can talk." "Of course you can," Amy soothed. "It's what you say that might get us into trouble.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Acceptance #Thinking #Talking

  • Ian sighed wanly. "I once had the means to be gaga over art–before I found myself in a country where the standard of beauty is toaster waffles shaped like cartoon characters.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Country #Art #Character

  • A bronze plaque read: GAIUS PLINIUS CAECILIUS SECUNDUS Dan made a face. "Get a load of the guy with the funny name." "I think that's Pliny the younger, the famous Roman writer," Amy supplied. She bent down to read the English portion of the tablet. "Right. In A.D. 79, Pliny chronicled the destruction of Pompeii by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. It's one of the earliest eyewitness accounts of a major disaster." Dan yawned. "Doesn't this remind you of the clue hunt? You know–you telling me a bunch of boring stuff, and me not listening?
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Thinking #Names #Guy

  • Ian Kabra rolled up his window. "My god, what's that smell?" Behind the wheel, Sinead laughed. "It's called fresh air. Growing up in London, you've probably never breathed it before." "And I hope I never breathe it again.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Growing Up #Air #Smell

  • Wonderful. What's the point of throwing a hissy fit without friends and family on hand to hear it?" -Amy Cahill
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Hands #Family And Friends #Amy

  • Hamilton dabbed a tissue at the cut under his eye. "Except for the time I met the Great Khali, that was the coolest thing I've ever done!" The foursome, only slightly the worse for wear, stood on the tarmac of the small airfield outside Milan, transferring their luggage from the limo to Jonah's jet for the flight back to Florence. "You didn't do anything, yo," Jonah seethed. "It was done to all of us by the freak show with the nerve to complain that the family branches are too violent!
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Eye #Cutting #Florence

  • Dan moved forward and replaced Jonah at the helm. "I've got a plan!" "That's my man!" The famous grin disappeared as Jonah took in the grim determination in Dan's features. His expression was as flat and expressionless as a naked skull. Dan steered the hurtling boat directly toward the rocky shore. "Amy, hang onto that painting!" "That's not a plan!" Jonah shouted. "That's suicide!
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Suicide #Determination #Men

  • Dan was suspicious. "How did he find out where we were staying?" Amy frowned. "I think that's the message inside the message. He wants us to know that he has a long reach–that's he's rich and powerful." "Like we'll see his giant mansion and assume he works at Burger King," scoffed Dan.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Kings #Powerful #Thinking

  • Jonah spoke what everyone was thinking. "Wouldn't it be Twilight Zone if the door was open, too?" Hamilton tried the knob. It didn't budge. Ian stepped forward and examined the lock. "Natalie's diary has better security than this." He produced a credit card and slipped it between the latch and the jamb. There was a click, and the door swung wide.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Twilight #Thinking #Doors

  • The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Dog #Book #Awards

  • Amy, since when do you have a boyfriend?
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Amy

  • They've got these things called lockers," I raved on. "The Halls are lined with them. And you won't believe what they're for! They're for locking stuff away-so other people won't steal it! Why can't everyone share?" ~ Cap
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Believe #People #Lockers

  • Art theft gave a guy an appetite.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Art #Guy #Appetite

  • Here's some more stuff we're going to need." 1 pair coveralls 1 extension ladder (30 foot) 1 glass cutter 1 artist's portfolio (large) 1 water pistol 1 bottle india ink 1 portable trampoline (collapsible) 1 bicycle w/basket 4 pizza boxes Jonah whistled. "I hope you've got some crazy evil-genius strategy, 'cause–straight up–I don't get it.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Crazy #Artist #Feet

  • There's always a way," his sister lectured. "We'll need help, though." "What help?" Amy grinned. "Sometimes it doesn't hurt to be a part of the most powerful family in human history.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Hurt #Powerful #Needs

  • The au pair was bug-eyed. "What happened back there?" "It's not our fault!" Dan babbled. "Those guys are crazy! They're like mini-Darth Vaders without the mask!" "They're Benedictine monks!" Nellie exclaimed. "They're men of peace! Most of them are under vows of silence!" "Yeah, well, not anymore," Dan told her. "They cursed us out pretty good. I don't know the language, but some things you don't have to translate.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Crazy #Men #Guy

  • Nobody got me out," Nellie replied. "They just let me go. They think I'm a deranged Jonah Wizard fan. Apparently, the hotel's full of them. A couple of idiots actually jumped off the front balcony. Can you picture that?" "In Technicolor," Amy said bitterly. "That low-down KGB reject!" Dan fumed. "I can't believe she cheated me–right when I was in the middle of cheating her!
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Cheating #Couple #Believe

  • You don't get Billie Joe Armstrong's autograph on your forehead without following your instincts.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Instinct #Armstrong #Foreheads

  • In our family, you don't get a childhood. We're too busy trying to dominate the world.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Childhood #Trying #World

  • We didn't stow away!" Dan protested. "You sunk our boat and pulled us out of the canal!" "Good point," Ian agreed. "Return them to the canal. Roughly, please.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Return #Boat #Canals

  • For someone who'e smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Real #Idiot #Sometimes

  • Oh, no-" They weren't even on the runway, and Jonah's father was already immersed in his BlackBerry. "Remember those 'Live Large with the Wiz Generation' posters? Well, guess how that translates into Chinese- 'Jonah Wizard Makes Your Ancestors Fat'.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Father #Chinese #Generations

  • I hate France. It's like the whole country's on a diet
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Country #Hate #France

  • What did Romeo and Juliet do?” They died,” I remind her gently. “Some mix-up with the poison-
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Poison #Juliet

  • Nellie grinned. "I always wanted to go to Venice. It's supposed to be the romance capital of the world." "Sweet," put in Dan. "Too bad your date is an Egyptian Mau on a hunger strike." The au pair sighed. "Better than an eleven-year-old with a big mouth.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Sweet #Venice #Years

  • Who's that new guy with the snooty accent who came out and talked to the police?" Evan persisted. "He looks like some kind of male model." "That's just my cousin Ian," Amy explained. "Not much of a family resemblance," Evan noted sourly. "He's like a twenty-fifth cousin, ten times removed." Evan was not satisfied.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Cousin #Guy #Police

  • Global warming doesn't care what's in your bank account." -Sinead Starling
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Care #Global Warming #Bank Accounts

  • We don't have to love it. We just have to steal it.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Stealing

  • Dan instantly recognized the angry scratch that stretched from the corner of Ian's eye all the way along the olive skin to his chin. "Have you been messing with Saladin?" "No. Saladin has been messing with me," Ian shot back. "He isn't big on Lucians," Dan explained. "Animals are really good judges of character.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Eye #Character #Animal

  • The computer beeped as the upload completed. A moment later, Ian Kabra appeared on the screen. Dan was surprised. "Hey, Ian, isn't it, like, two in the morning back there?" "It's called jet lag," Ian informed him. "I'm still on London time. I don't suppose you savages have any tea in this mausoleum." "There's a diet Snapple in the fridge." Ian shuddered. "I thought not.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Morning #Two #Tea

  • Nellie Gomez awoke to a splitting headache. Worse, she was still hungry. "Where's my croissant?" she demanded of the person leaning over her. "Dear child," came a strangely familiar voice. "Don't 'dear child' me!" she snapped. The twenty-two-year-old punk rocker ran black-polished fingernails through black-and-orange-dyed hair, which did nothing to soothe the pounding behind her black-shaded eyes. "Give me my croissant or I'll–" It was then that she suddenly realized she was threatening the venerable Alistair Oh. "Alistair, what are you doing here?
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Children #Eye #Orange

  • Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker." -Dan Cahill
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Thinking #Losing

  • You two have to promise to be careful!" Sinead handed Amy a small plastic bag. "I made you a going-away present–a high-powered miniature smoke bomb. Could come in handy against the Vespers. It works with knockout gas, so I tossed in a couple of breathing filters." "That's the Cahill equivalent of a Hallmark moment," Dan observed. "A smoke bomb. When you care enough to send the very best–explosives." "I'm not a flowers-and-candy kind of girl," Sinead informed him.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Girl #Couple #Flower

  • Amy hugged Sinead, and Dan scratched Saladin. "Later, Saladin. Take it easy on Kabra. On second thought, don't.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Amy #Easy #Saladin

  • Yeah!" shouted Jonah, twirling the much larger Hamilton around the restaurant in a victory dance. The other diners watched in amazement. This wild display was hardly the public image of the too-cool-for-school Jonah Wizard. "What's the matter?" Hamilton challenged. "Haven't you ever seen a happy rapper before?
    -- Gordon Korman

    #School #Rapper #Victory

  • Amy was profoundly shocked. "A little over an hour ago, our bus was attacked by three men in ski masks. They definitely knew me, and probably Dan, too. We fought them off, but it could've gone either way." "Like if they'd used a cookie truck instead of a gas tanker," Dan added. "Nobody's scared of Oreos.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Men #Three #Oreos

  • I've taken care of it," I said My father looked at me, shocked. Then I realized "taken care of" had a very specific meaning in his line of work. "No, no, I mean he's gone.
    -- Gordon Korman

    #Father #Taken #Mean