Tim Allen Quotes and Sayings - Page 1

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“Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.”
-- Tim Allen

#Mom #Sexy #Fun
“All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.”
-- Tim Allen

#Encouragement #Real #Wrestling
“A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.”
-- Tim Allen

#Romantic #Couple #Car
“I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.”
-- Tim Allen

#Children #People #Motorcycle
“I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.”
-- Tim Allen

#Creative #Guy
“I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.”
-- Tim Allen

#Artist #Logos #Graphic
“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.”
-- Tim Allen

#Funny #Mom #Mother
“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.”
-- Tim Allen

#Funny #Nephew #Pennies
“Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.”
-- Tim Allen

#Funny #Witty #Car
“Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.”
-- Tim Allen

#Men #Pigs #Comedy
“In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.”
-- Tim Allen

#Compromise #Nurture
“Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.”
-- Tim Allen

#Mom #Kids #Example
“Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.”
-- Tim Allen

#Kids #People #Parent
“Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?”
-- Tim Allen

#Reality #Denver #Flight
“There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.”
-- Tim Allen

#Marriage #Beautiful #Eye
“They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.”
-- Tim Allen

#Inspirational #Two #Car
“Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.”
-- Tim Allen

#Humorous #Golf #Men
“If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.”
-- Tim Allen
“Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it seems boring. That's the danger of drugs. At first it's intoxicating, but then the rest of your life you're trying to find that very first time. It never is the same.”
-- Tim Allen

#Drug #Trying #Safe
“When you're 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.”
-- Tim Allen

#Father #Gone #Wonderful
“If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, "God, I wish I'd done this; yeah, but I did do that." Then it kind of balances out.”
-- Tim Allen

#Mistake #Mean #Balance
“The greatest missile in the world is useless ... unless it's targeted. A torpedo is adrift unless it has someplace to go. An arrow is pointless unless it hits something. So it's important for kids--for everyone, even if you fail at first--to target something and head in that direction. With all your might.”
-- Tim Allen

#Kids #Arrows #Important
“Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
-- Tim Allen

#Might #Sometimes #Yeah
“Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. Topo Gigio”
-- Tim Allen

#Christmas #Noel
“I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?”
-- Tim Allen

#Democracy #Socialism
“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.”
-- Tim Allen

#Jobs #Children #Men
“Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.”
-- Tim Allen

#Funny #Positive #Liars
“You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.”
-- Tim Allen

#Stress #People #Stressed
“The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.”
-- Tim Allen

#Religious #Philosophical #Mean
“Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.”
-- Tim Allen

#Use #Size #Comedy

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