Funny Morning Coffee Quotes:

Given enough coffee I could rule the world

- Terry Pratchett

topic: Coffee, World, Enough, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

- Lewis Black

topic: Coffee, Giving, Might, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

He was my cream, and I was his coffee - And when you poured us together, it was something.

- Josephine Baker

topic: Coffee, Together, Cream, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

- Conan O'Brien

topic: Funny, Religious, Jesus, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

- Steven Wright

topic: Fun, Coffee, Microwaves, Instant Coffee, Ovens

Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.

- Agatha Christie

topic: Coffee, Taste, England, Funny Coffee, Funny Morning Coffee

Espresso is to Italy, what champagne is to France.

- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

topic: Coffee, Espresso, France, Mornings And Coffee, Caffeine

I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.

- Napoleon Bonaparte

topic: Coffee, Suffering, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee, Drinking Coffee

It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.

- Zora Neale Hurston

topic: Friendship, Good Morning, Coffee, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.

- Earl Wilson

source: "Fostering global discourse: it's time to embrace distance learning" by Kit Jones, www.theguardian.com. September 18, 2012.

topic: Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee, Caffeine, Coffee Break, Funny Coffee

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to ***** addicts. I bet that when serious ***** addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles.

- Dave Barry

source: Dave Barry (2011). “Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down”, p.126, Ballantine Books

topic: Coffee, Views, Order, Inhumane, Morning Coffee

Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep.

- Fran Drescher

source: Fran Drescher (2002). “Cancer Schmancer”

topic: Coffee, Sleep, Smell, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Wake up and smell the coffee.

- Ann Landers

source: Chicago Tribune, 21 Dec. 1955.

topic: Coffee, Espresso, Smell, Cranberries, Morning Coffee

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

- David Letterman

source: "Letterman Lets His Guard Down" by Bill Zehme, Esquire, December 1994.

topic: Coffee, Espresso, Personality, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

- Alphonse Allais

topic: Coffee, Sleep, Beverages, Drank, Drinking Coffee

No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils.

- Henry Ward Beecher

topic: Sweet, Coffee, Offering, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume.

- John William Van Druten

source: Quoted in Think, Feb 1963.

topic: Coffee, Food, Thinking, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

A cup of coffee - real coffee - home-browned, home ground, home made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated, but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfect!

- Henry Ward Beecher

source: Henry Ward Beecher (1862). “Eyes and ears”, p.52

topic: Real, Coffee, Eye, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

- Bill Cosby

topic: Birthday, Funny Life, Mistake, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

For I have known them all already, known them all— Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons, I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

- T. S. Eliot

topic: Morning, Coffee, Afternoon, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

- Ronald Reagan

topic: Funny, Coffee, Espresso, Caffeine, Drinking Coffee

Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.

- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

topic: Love, Sweet, Coffee, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

- Terry Pratchett

topic: Coffee, Self, Rights, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.

- Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

topic: Morning, Cheer, Coffee, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Coffee makes us severe, and grave and philosophical.

- Jonathan Swift

source: Jonathan Swift, Thomas Roscoe (1843). “The Works of Jonathan Swift ...: Containing Interesting and Valuable Papers, Not Hitherto Published ... With Memoir of the Author”, p.55

topic: Coffee, Philosophical, Graves, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, 'Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.'

- Jim Carrey

topic: Beautiful, Morning, Coffee, Funny Good Morning, Morning Coffee

Coffee in England is just toasted milk.

- Christopher Fry

topic: Coffee, Milk, England, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Without my morning coffee I'm just like a dried up piece of roast goat.

- Johann Sebastian Bach

topic: Morning, Coffee, Pieces, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now.

- Louisa May Alcott

topic: Coffee, Compliment, Little Women, Funny Coffee, Funny Morning Coffee

Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

topic: Prayer, Coffee, Genius, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

Do you know how many calories are in butter and cheese and ice cream? Would you get your dog up in the morning for a cup of coffee and a donut?

- Jack LaLanne

topic: Motivational, Good Morning, Dog, Cream Cheese, Coffee Cup

Coffee, according to the women of Denmark, is to the body what the Word of the Lord is to the soul.

- Isak Dinesen

source: Isak Dinesen (2011). “Seven Gothic Tales”, p.245, Vintage

topic: Coffee, Soul, Body, Morning Coffee, Mornings And Coffee

What is this demilitarized zone? Whatever it is, I like it! Gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.

- Robin Williams

topic: Strong, Coffee, Vietnam, Mornings And Coffee, Cappuccino