Jimmy Fallon quotes

...Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Dad #Father #Being A Father

I got my shot at the movies. I love doing standup live. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted to try movies, so I gave it a shot. I had two shots and I didn't really do it. That wasn't really happening for me. On the second movie I got to meet the girl that would be my wife. So I got to hang out with her and get engaged, and get the whole wedding thing. It was really great.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Girl #Two #Wife

I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Baby #Fun #Dad

We're into tech stuff, gadgets, phones, video games. We'll treat a video game premiere like a movie premiere. I'm just going to be honest with what I like and what I do. What I enjoy. We're not going to hide the fact that people are on the Internet all day. I think a lot of shows don't really mention that.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Thinking #Phones #Games

'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Fun #Silly #Messages

Most kids come home from school. They don't go to their TVs first. They go to the Internet. They check their emails, or some blogs, or some sites. Then they go watch TV. Other people are at work all day 9-5 in front of a computer. They see certain clips. We're not going to hide the fact that people use the Internet. We're going to try to be as interactive as possible with our fans. I'm currently on Twitter and Facebook and Flicker and Dig. I'm on all that stuff.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Home #School #Kids

Today President Obama gave a major speech where he defended his handling of the economy. And there were tons of people in the audience, you know, since nobody had to be at work.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#People #President #Speech

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#People #Giving #Bed

Over the weekend it came out that the U.S. has been listening in on German Chancellor Angela Merkel's cellphone since 2002. At this point, I feel like the only world leader our government DOESN'T listen to is President Obama.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Weekend #Government #Leader

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Funny #Witty #Humorous

There's always going to be someone out there... who doesn't believe in you or who thinks your head is too big or you're not smart enough. But those are the people you need to ignore, and those are the times you need to just keep doing what you love doing.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Smart #Believe #Thinking

The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it's part of a new initiative called, 'Operation Regret This In Five Years.'
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Regret #Government #Years

A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads "Convicted Shoplifter." However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading "I'd Rather Be Stealing!.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Reading #Pennsylvania #Lawyer

In a new interview, the president discussed the upcoming election. He said that Hillary Clinton is going to do great as a presidential candidate. When asked how Biden would do, Obama said, 'Hillary's going to do great.'
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Presidential #Biden #Interviews

A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Jobs #Found

The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because what can go wrong when you combine the efficiency of government with the accuracy of weathermen?
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Government #Weather #People

This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Men #Jumping #White

A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Couple #Kids #Divorce

Everyone looks so much better when they smile.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Smile #Looks

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Stars #Way #Looks

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Thinking #Animal #People

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Sports #Girlfriend #Team

Barnes & Noble CEO William Lynch just announced that he is stepping down after three years. When asked if he's looking for a new job, he was like, 'Nah, just browsing.'
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Jobs #Years #New Job

After facing backlash from customers, Subway says it will remove a chemical in its bread that is also found in yoga mats. Some people were like, 'You mean I've been eating a dangerous chemical?' While most people were like, 'You mean I can eat my yoga mat?'
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Yoga #Mean #People

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has been positioning himself to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. Hillary once developed a program to deliver rural healthcare, while de Blasio once dropped a groundhog on its head.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#New York #Challenges #Nominations

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Journey #Long #Tacos

President Obama is launching a new $6 billion space policy that will ultimately take astronauts to Mars. Of course, it's $6 billion and $45 if the astronauts have a carry-on.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Space #President #Mars

There's a new Facebook app that will post a final status update for you after you die. That's ridiculous. I don't need someone to change my status when I die. I need them to water my Farmville crops.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Water #Finals #Needs

Newt Gingrich plans to announce his campaign for president this Wednesday. I don’t know about his chances. I mean, I’m not saying Gingrich peaked in the ‘90s, but his campaign is being sponsored by Tamagotchis and Crystal Pepsi.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Mean #President #Pepsi

You only think of the best comeback when you leave.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Thinking #Comeback

President Obama and Mitt Romney both gave commencement speeches over the last few days. Obama was like, 'You can be whatever you want to be,' while Romney was like, 'I can be whatever you want me to be.'
-- Jimmy Fallon

#President #Speech #Want

We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you're a pretty good fan. You don't have to win everything to be a fan of something.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Winning #Years #Roots

Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.
-- Jimmy Fallon

#Winning #Bin Laden