Drew Carey quotes

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.
-- Drew Carey

#Keys #Goal #Design

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
-- Drew Carey

#Funny #Sarcastic #Jobs

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.
-- Drew Carey

#Drinking #Beer #Talking

Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.
-- Drew Carey

#Vegas #America #Want

Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.
-- Drew Carey

#Years #Labels #Libertarian

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.
-- Drew Carey

#People #Competition #Work Harder

I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.
-- Drew Carey

#Teenager #Book #Writing

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.
-- Drew Carey

#Sorry #Feelings #Overcoming

I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter..
-- Drew Carey

#Funny #Mom #Father

Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.
-- Drew Carey

#Food #Punishment #Healthy

I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
-- Drew Carey

#Laughing #Stuff #Said

Isn't it amazing that the Germans call their city halls 'rat houses'? That's what we should call our city halls!
-- Drew Carey

#Cities #House #Political

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.
-- Drew Carey

#People #Guy #Forever

The less government, the better
-- Drew Carey

#Government

There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.
-- Drew Carey

#Fun #People #Needs

I never thought I was a libertarian until I picked up Reason magazine and realized I agree with everything they had printed.
-- Drew Carey

#Magazines #Politics #Libertarian

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.
-- Drew Carey

#Funny #Successful

If frogs could fly - well, we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?
-- Drew Carey

#Miracle #Frogs #Neat

People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are.
-- Drew Carey

#People #Laughing #Looks

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.
-- Drew Carey

#Comedy #Bigs #Said

I've got to say that I don't see myself as some sort of political type like Alec Baldwin or Barbra Streisand. I don't want to come across like that. I'd be embarrassed if that was the way I came across.
-- Drew Carey

#Political #Want #Way

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.
-- Drew Carey

#Funny #Winning #Clubs

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed.
-- Drew Carey

#Retirement #Government #Goal

My fans are pretty normal, they are always really nice and polite, and they don't interrupt my meals.
-- Drew Carey

#Nice #Fans #Meals

There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.
-- Drew Carey

#Winning #Thinking #Games

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.
-- Drew Carey

#Beautiful #Girl #Vegas

The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you don't feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you don't have energy for anything. It's horrible.
-- Drew Carey

#Sex #Clothes #Feel Good

If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.
-- Drew Carey

#Guy #Social #Belts

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.
-- Drew Carey

#Comedian #Would Be #Shows

I think a lot of people are afraid of freedom. They want their lives to be controlled, to be put into a box... Why should someone put a limit on how much fun I can have, how much I can accomplish?
-- Drew Carey

#Fun #Thinking #People

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.
-- Drew Carey

#White #People #Guilt

George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.
-- Drew Carey

#Ties #Hair #Guy

I'm down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it.
-- Drew Carey

#People #Appreciate #Earth

I was just sick of being fat, you know? You get sick of it. It just really, it's a tiring lifestyle to have.
-- Drew Carey

#Sick #Tire #Lifestyle

Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.
-- Drew Carey

#Hollywood #Like You #Feels

I actually was worried about the pounding, but I actually love running more than working out on the elliptical. Now if I get on the elliptical, I feel like I'm trapped.
-- Drew Carey

#Running #Work Out #Worried

At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know?
-- Drew Carey

#People #Safe #Feels

I don't think there's hardly a comic out there that does clean material all the way around. There's a couple of guys that are clean, but I'm not one of them.
-- Drew Carey

#Couple #Thinking #Guy

I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do.
-- Drew Carey

#Believe #Book #Men

I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs.
-- Drew Carey

#Running #Stupid #House

And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.
-- Drew Carey

#Home #Kids #Tvs

Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?
-- Drew Carey

#World #Captains #World Famous

I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it.
-- Drew Carey

#Likes #Kind #Persons

I am happy that I ran the half-marathon, but to me, just running and saying that I finished a race isn't enough for me. I want to run the race as best as I can. Working out for pants size isn't enough. I need a goal or a race to get back on the treadmill every day.
-- Drew Carey

#Running #Race #Work Out

Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?
-- Drew Carey

#Jesus #War #People

I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.
-- Drew Carey

I don't do one show and wish I was doing something else.
-- Drew Carey

#Wish #Shows

I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.
-- Drew Carey

#People #Laughing #Trying

I'm competitive at everything.
-- Drew Carey

If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist.
-- Drew Carey

#Stars #Tvs #Comic

Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Canada.
-- Drew Carey

#Humorous #Lines #Matter

The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.
-- Drew Carey

#Sex #Pain #Humorous

The best thing about Las Vegas is that no one pretends to be responsible for your behavior like they do in the rest of the country. There's no meddling self-righteous liberals or right-wing Christian demagogues telling you that you can't do something fun with your own time and money. If you can afford it, it's yours.
-- Drew Carey

#Christian #Country #Fun

It should be up to each bar owner and patron to decide if they want to smoke or not.
-- Drew Carey

#Bars #Want #Should

What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?
-- Drew Carey

#Democracy #Want #What You Want

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.
-- Drew Carey

#Tomatoes #Coke #Bourbon

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.
-- Drew Carey

#Thinking #Government #Information