Comedian quotes

  • I'm a comedian, not a politician.
    -- Adam Carolla

    #Comedian #Politician

  • No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.
    -- Adam Carolla

    #Book #Comedian #Enjoy

  • I do feel good doing them [family-friendly movies], but it's not going to be my way of life. I'm a comedian.
    -- Adam Sandler

    #Feel Good #Comedian #Friendly

  • I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.
    -- Adam Sandler

    #Guy #Comedian #Actors

  • Performers like Tommy Cooper, who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.
    -- Ade Edmondson

    #Smart #Sassy #Comedian

  • Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that. I've been a producer and led people. Also, being a comedian, you're under pressure.
    -- Al Franken

    #People #Comedian #Pressure

  • Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.
    -- Alan Moore

    #Humor #Comedian #Realizing

  • Well, what do you expect? The Comedian is dead.
    -- Alan Moore

    #Comedian #Wells

  • Ever since I was a kid, I just loved those comedians on TV who would just have fun with the language.
    -- Alan Rudolph

    #Fun #Kids #Comedian

  • Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasn't cool to say, at a young age, 'I want to be a comedian.'
    -- Albert Brooks

    #Father #Comedian #Age

  • The optimum frequency with which comedians should do a series is every year. I do one every three years. My audience is literally dying off.
    -- Alexei Sayle

    #Years #Comedian #Dying

  • I didn't really want to be a comedian.
    -- Allen Carr

    #Comedian #Want

  • A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.
    -- Allen Carr

    #Atmosphere #Comedian #Crowds

  • I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.
    -- Amy Schumer

    #Responsibility #People #Comedian

  • I may sound like a megalomaniac, but I feel like I'm equipped to become a great, memorable comedian, if I keep working my ***** off and staying at the pace I'm at, and I feel a responsibility to do that because of the women who have done it before me, and the ones who need to do it after me.
    -- Amy Schumer

    #Memorable #Responsibility #Comedian

  • Some of the best ideas I've gotten for my act have come from comedians and not magicians.
    -- Andrew Mayne

    #Ideas #Comedian #Magician

  • I believe that any type of education can be great, but an education about ourselves can create something wonderful. I am a comedian, but people have called me a motivational speaker. I don't really consider myself that at all.
    -- Andy Andrews

    #Believe #People #Comedian

  • I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who just happens to be funny on occasion.
    -- Anthony Anderson

    #Comedian #Actors #Occasions

  • You say you're a comedian, you always have to be on guard.
    -- Anthony Anderson


  • It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the vibe of, "I need you guys." I wanted to be so cool that the audience could leave and I would still be killing, that I didn't want to have to rely on them or need them. That really appealed to me.
    -- Anthony Jeselnik

    #Guy #Comedian #Important

  • I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
    -- Anthony Jeselnik

    #Writing #Comedian #Want

  • Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.
    -- Anthony Jeselnik

    #Comedian #Trying #Doe

  • I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
    -- Anthony Jeselnik

    #Thinking #Comedian

  • The average comedian is kind of an observer looking at everyday things that everyone could relate to and then trying to find the exaggeration in those things.
    -- Aries Spears

    #Average #Comedian #Everyday

  • Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.
    -- Artie Lange

    #People #Comedian

  • Comedy is something that I'm definitely looking to get into. I had a little taste of it and I do intend on going to classes for it because I think it's a different muscle, and it's hard to find female comedians.
    -- Ashley Greene

    #Thinking #Class #Comedian

  • Louis C. K. is one of my all time favorite standup comedians.
    -- Aubrey Plaza

    #Comedian #All Time #All Time Favorite

  • Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on.
    -- Aziz Ansari

    #Comedian #Hours #Brands

  • I talk about stuff like my Blackberry, Lost, the internet, music, etc. so I guess that leads to the "nerd" moniker. But I don't get it that much to be honest. I guess its better than being labeled a "racist" comedian.
    -- Aziz Ansari

    #Comedian #Nerd #Etc

  • Being a rapper is about being cool, but being a comedian, you're not supposed to be the coolest guy.
    -- Aziz Ansari

    #Rapper #Guy #Comedian

  • Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
    -- Aziz Ansari

    #People #Comedian #Stuff

  • I think a lot of people think that we [comedians] are nerveless people in the theatre, that we don't feel that kind of terror which traditionally anyone who has to do any public speaking feels. It's worse for actors, because our livelihood depends on it.
    -- Barry Humphries

    #Thinking #People #Comedian

  • There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.
    -- Barry Humphries

    #Taken #Fate #Comedian

  • I do a lot of Vegas work and work with the comedians.
    -- Ben E. King

    #Vegas #Las Vegas #Comedian

  • Whatever talent I had, I'm sure it helped that my parents were in the business and that I grew up around actors, comedians and directors.
    -- Ben Stiller

    #Parent #Comedian #Directors

  • I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.
    -- Bernie Mac

    #Comedian #Politician #Limitation

  • I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown.
    -- Bernie Mac

    #Comedian #Clown

  • It's a great time to be a comedian because you've got so much more control. You can say what you want to. I think in the old days with the studio system the performer was a bit of an afterthought. You can be a wildcard on the internet. But if you put something on the internet once it's out there it's out there for life.
    -- Bill Burr

    #Thinking #Comedian #Want

  • You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
    -- Bill Burr

    #Believe #People #Comedian

  • Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions.
    -- Bill Burr

    #Comedian #Emotion #Ability

  • It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
    -- Bill Hicks

    #Funny #Hurt #Comedian

  • Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that is still far away.
    -- Billiam Coronel

    #Dog #Comedian #Looks

  • I was a film-directing major at NYU. I'm still not sure why I became a directing major, when I was really an actor and a comedian, but there was something that drew me to doing that.
    -- Billy Crystal

    #Nyu #Comedian #Actors

  • Once or twice I`ve been described as a light comedian. I consider this the most accurate description of my abilities I`ve ever seen.
    -- Bing Crosby

    #Light #Comedian #Description

  • I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, [...] I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.
    -- Bo Burnham

    #Thinking #Comedian #Actors

  • I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now
    -- Bob Monkhouse

    #Laughing #Comedian #Wanted

  • They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
    -- Bob Monkhouse

    #Funny #Laughing #Comedian

  • I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.
    -- Bob Newhart

    #Comedian #Saws #Way

  • Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.
    -- Bob Newhart

    #Vacation #Comedian #Attention

  • It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it.
    -- Bob Newhart

    #Decision #Temptation #Comedian

  • I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line.
    -- Bob Newhart

    #Thinking #Comedian #Lines

  • All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.
    -- Bob Newhart

    #Jobs #Fun #Comedian

  • I think there's a part, just a part of comedians, that is still childlike.
    -- Bob Newhart

    #Thinking #Comedian #Childlike

  • A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.
    -- Bobby Darin

    #Funny #Comedian #Mind

  • I think Flip Wilson is a brillant comedian.
    -- Bobby Darin

    #Thinking #Comedian #Flip

  • I have worked with a great many comedians as opposed to comics, although I have worked with comics as well, I make the distinction.
    -- Bobby Darin

    #Comedian #Comic #Distinction

  • I'm not very big on politics. I'm a comedian and not that smart. I don't have the mind capacity for it.
    -- Bobby Moynihan

    #Smart #Comedian #Mind

  • In my first stand-up acts there wasn't material even. You know, I'd go on stage and cry and read a Dear John letter or gut fish on stage. I could be odd - and it's what interested me as a comedian.
    -- Bobcat Goldthwait

    #Comedian #Goes On #Letters

  • I would probably be a teacher if I weren't a comedian.
    -- Brad Garrett

    #Teacher #Comedian

  • Reggie Watts is a most unusual talent: a huge vocal range, a natural musicality, and a sidesplitting wit. Is he a comedian? A singer? A performance artist? I've seen him a few times since then and I still can't decide. Whatever, he ain't like nobody else.
    -- Brian Eno

    #Artist #Comedian #Singers

  • Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use the spoon. I like to consider myself the big bowl-like area of the spoon that holds all the stuff you like.
    -- Brian Regan

    #Cutting #Knives #Comedian

  • I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm on stage I'm not just trying to make the comedians laugh - I'm also trying to make the audience laugh. I want to make everybody laugh.
    -- Brian Regan

    #Mean #Laughing #Comedian

  • I wanted to do the comic strip. I tried to get it syndicated, and I sent some examples to a syndication company, and they sent me a rejection letter! I wasn't smart enough at the time to realize you shouldn't let rejection letters stop you. I thought that rejection letter meant I was not allowed to be a cartoonist in this world, so I put the rejection letter down and said, well, I'll be a stand-up comedian.
    -- Brian Regan

    #Smart #Rejection #Comedian

  • I don't think I was a good comedian.
    -- Brigitte Bardot

    #Thinking #Comedian

  • He was so good at everything he did. You can't call Ronnie Barker a comedian. He was an actor, and a great writer.
    -- Bruce Forsyth

    #Comedian #Actors #Great Writers

  • What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics.
    -- Buddy Hackett

    #Thinking #Catholic #Comedian

  • A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.
    -- Buddy Hackett

    #Circles #Comedian #World

  • A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
    -- Buster Keaton

    #Funny Things #Comedian #Doe

  • What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes.
    -- Buster Keaton

    #Brother #Comedian #Goats

  • Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.
    -- Camille Paglia

    #Jesus #Comedian #Brilliant

  • Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.
    -- Carl Reiner

    #Comedian #Pens #Pencils

  • When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.
    -- Carrot Top


  • I think, first of all, you need to love what you're doing, and then this helps in the comedian for its part in everything-but the moment you enjoy what you're doing, you try to express yourself, to find your way, and every time is different, of course.
    -- Cecilia Bartoli

    #Thinking #Comedian #Trying

  • I want to be a little more dramatic nowadays. I definitely want something big and funny, but I look for things that can just have people see me in a different light and let me mature as both an entertainer and an actor and a comedian.
    -- Cedric the Entertainer

    #Light #People #Comedian

  • I never saw myself as a comedian. I saw myself as a guy who can act funny.
    -- Charlie Day

    #Guy #Comedian #Saws

  • Some guys said 'Here's bop!' Wham! They said, 'Here's something we can make money on!' Wham! 'Here's a comedian!' Wham! Here's a guy who talks funny talk!'
    -- Charlie Parker

    #Guy #Comedian #Bops

  • I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
    -- Chelsea Handler

    #Stupid #Comedian #Ridiculous

  • I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.
    -- Chelsea Handler


  • Its really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, I usually dont like female comedians, but your material is great! It makes the job prospect more daunting. Funny is funny, you know?
    -- Chelsea Peretti

    #Jobs #People #Comedian

  • I'm not a comedian, I'm an actor.
    -- Chris Diamantopoulos

    #Comedian #Actors

  • If you are a New York comedian who knows how to improvise and has glasses, you're going to start getting commercials.
    -- Chris Gethard

    #New York #Glasses #Comedian

  • When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.
    -- Chris Hardwick

    #Long #Comedian #Realizing

  • When comedians get successful, the fans that they have aren't the fans they would hang out with. I don't have that problem.
    -- Chris Hardwick

    #Successful #Comedian #Fans

  • I'm not interested in being one of those comedians who wants to look good and be this 'cool' funny person. I don't care how weird or ugly I look.
    -- Chris Lilley

    #Comedian #Want #Looks

  • I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life 'cause comedians are their own species. If you get away from them, especially as a comedian, I think it's dangerous.
    -- Chris Rock

    #Thinking #Comedian #Trying

  • Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.
    -- Chris Rock

    #Clothes #Comedian #Emperor

  • I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if you got technical. A lot of this is just selective outrage because honestly, the audience are the ones that tell us that something shouldn't be spoken. The audience lets us know. And I've never, in my almost 30 years of being a comedian, seen a comedian continue to tell a joke that the audience doesn't respond to. I've never seen it.
    -- Chris Rock

    #Children #Years #Comedian

  • Black comics, they only watch Black comedians. You're a comedian; you're not just a Black comedian. You're a comedian. I try to get that through to everybody.
    -- Chris Rock

    #Black #Comedian #Trying

  • Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we're all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it's like this is where I need to be.
    -- Chris Rock

    #People #Comedian #Groups

  • I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.
    -- Chris Rock

    #Thinking #Comedian #Crowds

  • I really loved what I was doing being creative and being funny as a stand-up comedian.
    -- Chris Tucker

    #Creative #Comedian #Be Creative

  • I spent more time in America, but I developed a very English sense of humour. I clicked into it deeply with Peter Sellers, who is still probably my favourite comedian.
    -- Christopher Guest

    #America #Comedian #Favourite

  • A comedian is not a person who opens a funny door - he's the person who opens a door funny.
    -- Chuck Jones

    #Doors #Comedian #Persons

  • I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.
    -- Colin Quinn

    #People #Comedian #Tailors

  • That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.
    -- Colin Quinn

    #Jobs #Comedian #Lucky

  • I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.
    -- Colin Quinn

    #New York #People #Comedian

  • With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.
    -- Colin Quinn

    #Laughing #Understanding #Comedian

  • I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.
    -- Colin Quinn

    #Cynical #Comedian #World

  • It's annoying when people do that so-called comedians impression of me when it's stupid nonsense.
    -- Craig David

    #Stupid #People #Comedian

  • A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.
    -- Cynthia Heimel

    #Comedian #Comedy #Demon