Maureen Johnson quotes
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I like you because you were mad. And you're pretty. And pretty sane for a mad person.
-- Maureen Johnson -
This pool is a triumph of imagination. That's how you win at life, Gin. You have to imagine your way through. Never say something can't be done. There's always a solution, even if it's weird.
-- Maureen Johnson -
The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I sleep better knowing that a naked cork-eater is not sneaking around at night, stealing my underwear.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Spicy food and I have a close relationship—an obsessive one, in fact. If it’s spicy, I want it. I want to sweat and shake and go half blind from the searing pain . . . which, now that I put it that way, seems really suggestive. But spicy stuff is addictive. That’s a known fact of science.
-- Maureen Johnson -
You can never visit the same place twice. Each time, it's a different story. By the very act of coming back, you wipe out what came before.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Writing is one of the few careers for which you essentially train yourself, the other two major ones being juggling and pickpocketing.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Fear can't hurt you," she said. "When it washes over you, give it no power. It's a snake with no venom. Remember that. That knowledge can save you.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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It's always easier to say good-bye when you know it's just a prelude to hello.
-- Maureen Johnson -
She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Sometimes I feel like I've been waiting for someone to tell me when I can be normal again,' she said. 'I keep thinking I'll get a letter. Or a call. When does it happen?' Pete looked like he wanted to walk toward her, but then he fell back against the car. The staring contest between them for almost a minute, and finally Pete exhaled loudly. It's okay,' he said.
-- Maureen Johnson -
When they separated, the freckleless spot between Pete's eyes was bright red. Before anything else could be said or done, May grabbed her bike and hopped on. She waited until she was six houses down to turn and see if he was still standing in the driveway watching her. He was. She stopped for just a moment, and they caught each other's eyes. Then he slowly started walking backward toward the house. May couldn't see that well, considering that her eyes were still a little blurry and he was far away, but it looked like he was smiling.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Quarrels are a natural part of relationships. Making up is always the best part.
-- Maureen Johnson -
The locker at the end of her bed had no lock, and one of the hinges was busted. She opened it up. There was a thing in it. The thing might have been a sandwich at some point, or an animal, or a human hand...but what it was now was fuzzy and putrid. A minute later, Ginny was down the stairs, out the door, and gone.
-- Maureen Johnson -
She was standing in the airport of Copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. The door merely said H. Was she an H? Was H "hers"? It could just as easily be "his". Or "Helicopter Room: Not a Bathroom at All
-- Maureen Johnson -
Lecturing Brooks was as useful as lecturing a cat.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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The whole "weak in the knees" thing,which she always thought was just some idiotic expression back from the golden age of idiotic expressions,was real. -Suite Scarlett
-- Maureen Johnson -
Debbie had to get up and slice me a thick piece of cake before she could answer. And I do mean thick. Harry Potter volume seven thick. I could have knocked out a burglar with this piece of cake. Once I tasted it, though, it seemed just the right size.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey that does your evil bidding. Pullman is a genius just for this.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Nothing was quite like it was supposed to be.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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She didn't even notice right away that a small animal had come out from behind a nearby car and was slowly making its way toward the trash can she was standing near. She flipped through some old files in her mind, trying to come up with what this thing might be, and after a few seconds decided that--impossible as it seemed--it was a fox.
-- Maureen Johnson -
The cast of Hamlet had not moved much. They had that haunted yet hopeful look in their eyes, like the ones you see in photographs of people crammed into steerage compartments, traveling to some new, unknown land.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I'm Keith," he said, "and you're . . . clearly mad, but what's your name?
-- Maureen Johnson -
We learn that many great thinkers were convinced that the Bible contained the Ancient Mysteries, but not in the literal words—that the words on the pages were codes, and that the Bible is comprised of heavy-handed and useless story covering up something much more important and interesting. I get the feeling that [Dan Brown] is trying to tell me something, but I am not biting, reader.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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One of them hung a pink bra from our lighting fixture. I left it there. It was a nice bra
-- Maureen Johnson -
You don't know me yet," I said. "Rory was telling me she lives in a swamp," Charlotte said. "That's right," I said, turning up my accent a little. "These are the very first shoes I've ever owned. They sure do pinch my feet." Jerome gave a little snort.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Dr. Everest, got up and gave us a little pep talk. Mostly it boiled down to the fact that it was autumn, and everyone was back, and while that was a great thing, people better not get cocky or misbehave or he'd personally kill us all. He didn't actually say those words, but that was the subtext.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I feel warm and reassured," I whispered. "He's like Santa.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Mouth guard. And I think we'll start you in goal." Goal sounded like a special job. I didn't want a special job, unless that special job involved sitting on the side under a pile of blankets.
-- Maureen Johnson -
He's been in love with Miss Gina since high school, but he doesn't really know how to talk to girls, so he's just been...staying around her since then. He just tends to go where she goes." "Isn't that stalking?" Jazza said. "Legally, no," I replied. "I asked my parents this when I was little. What he does is creepy and socially awkward, but it's not actually stalking.
-- Maureen Johnson -
No one hid their interest when I walked into the room. I'm not sure if it was the news about Boo or my general appearance. At home, people would have asked. People would have been crawling all over me for information. At Wexford, they seemed to extract what they wanted to know by covert staring.
-- Maureen Johnson -
The essay I had to read was called, "An Essay on Criticism" by Alexander Pope. The first challenge was that the essay was, in fact, a very long poem in "heroic couplets". If something is called an essay, it should be an essay.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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I could pretend, at least, and if I pretended long enough, maybe I could make it into a reality.
-- Maureen Johnson -
No sausage?" he asked. Apparently my pork consumption habits were a matter of public record.
-- Maureen Johnson -
She looks like a jumper to me. Jumpers do that a lot, stand on the edge and stare out. Never kill yourself in a Tube station. Tip number one. You might end up down here forever, staring at the wall." Stephen coughed a little. "Just giving advice," Callum said.
-- Maureen Johnson -
All right. Normal rules apply." "Right." The man walked off, leaving us. "What are the normal rules?" I asked. "He walks away and has a tea break and doesn't ask any questions.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Did you hear?" he asked. "They found another body around nine this morning. It's the Ripper, definitely." "Good morning," I replied. "Morning. Listen to this. The second victim...
-- Maureen Johnson -
People were freaked out, but they showed it in weird ways. Back home, people would have been weeping and doing a lot of very public group hugs. At Wexford people just aggressively pretended nothing had happened.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I had one class in the morning, the mysteriously named "Further Maths". It was two hours long and so deeply frightening that I think I went into a trance.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Irony is the word I forget the meaning of immediately after I look it up, but I kind of feel like I live in a constant state of it.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Why are Americans so fascinated by Ireland?†Keith asked... “you all think you’re Irish. What’s the appeal? Do you like the accent more? Is it all the magical rocks? Oh, look, a lepÂrechaun...
-- Maureen Johnson -
It rang and it rand and it rang. I looked at the screen one last time, then at Stuart, and then I reached my arm back and threw the phone as hard as I could (sadly, not that far), and it vanished into the snow. The eight-year-olds, who were truly fascinated with our every move at this point, chased after it. 'Lost it,' I said. 'Whoops.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Lies are a tremendous karmic setback. Keep it up and you'll come back in the next life as something without a spine. You're not fine. And you don't have to be fine.
-- Maureen Johnson -
New start or not, there was a line to be drawn, and that line was singing musicals to yourself as serious psychological motivation.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Boo: "Go talk to her." Callum: "About what?" Boo: "Anything." Callum: "You want me to walk up to her and say, 'Are you a ghost?'" Boo: "I do that." Callum: "I love it when you get it wrong.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Rory: "People are being serious." Jazza: "There's a serial killer out there. Of course people are being serious." Rory: "Yeah, but what are the chances?" Jazza: "I bet all of the victims thought that." Rory: "But still, what are the chances?" Jazza: "Well, I imagine they are several million to one." Jerome: "Not that high. You're only dealing with a small part of London. And while there might be a million or more people in that area, the Ripper is probably focusing on women, because all of the original victims were women. So halve that--" Jazza: "You really need another hobby.
-- Maureen Johnson -
It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.
-- Maureen Johnson -
We Deveauxs preferred to talk you to death, rather than face you in physical combat.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Proximity doesn't breed familiarity.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Before I take you into the beating heart of the story, let’s get one thing out of the way. I know from experience that when it comes up later, it will distract you so much that you won’t be able to concentrate on anything else I will tell you. My name is Jubilee Dougal. Take a moment and let it sink in.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Can I tell you something you really don't want to hear? He's going to break up with you. - Stuart
-- Maureen Johnson -
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With that, I splashed some water on my face, fixed on a smile, and stepped out. I would find Jerome. I would make him explain to me what I was missing. We would laugh, then we would kiss with tongue, and all would be well.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Well, what now? You have no job. I have no job. Wanna play Jenga?
-- Maureen Johnson -
We all know what we're doing. Whether we realize it or not.
-- Maureen Johnson -
She introduced herself to my parents with one of her mighty, bunny-crushing handshakes. (I'd never seen Claudia crush a bunny, to be fair, but that's the approximate level of pressure.)
-- Maureen Johnson -
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I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in ill-advised relationships.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Did I just kill someone?" "You can't kill a dead person," Callum said. "Makes no sense.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Sometimes people graduate but they don't leave. They hang around for years, for no reason. I would think of ghosts like that, I decided.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Although it was very cold, he wore no coat. I think some English people think coats are for the weak.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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English rain feels obligatory, like paperwork. It dampens already damn days and slicks the stones.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Kissing is something that makes up for a lot of other crap you have to put up with...It can be confusing and weird and awkward, but sometimes it just makes you melt and forget everything that is going on.
-- Maureen Johnson -
But we made our own fun, mostly. I recall a time, many years later, when American children seemed unable to amuse themselves without a fortune in electrical and electronic equipment. We had no fancy equipment and did not miss it.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Having your back scratched is not the only reason to be married, but it is a good one, especially for those spots that are so hard to reach by yourself.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Harry Potter achieved a very special act of actual magic: it made it completely acceptable for an adult to carry around, read and enjoy a childrens book.
-- Maureen Johnson -
A woman who shaves or otherwise depilates her pubic curls has a profound interest in recreational sex.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Guilt isn't always a rational thing, Clio realized. Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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You've never told me about your love life, Scarlett. You're a very pretty girl. You must have a boy shacked up somewhere for your personal delights. I'd bet it's a booky one, overtones of Harry Potter and a lot of black T-shirts.
-- Maureen Johnson -
My rule is: the second you find yourself doing something you hate, quit doing it.
-- Maureen Johnson -
The kids I talk to are readers, and the craziest, the most dedicated readers you will ever see.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I read two mysteries a day when I was a kid. All of Agatha Christie, all of 'Sherlock Holmes.' I've seen every single British detective show ever made.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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I've heard people on panels say, 'You must have a Web site. You need to tweet. Repeat the title of your book constantly,' and I just want to say, 'Shut up. Everything you're saying is wrong.' People will know instantly if your only motivation for tweeting is to sell books.
-- Maureen Johnson -
When I worked in theater, I was always writing things on Post-it Notes and sticking them on screens or desks. Twitter has given me a way of continuing to post those notes, only a lot of other people see them, too.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Being an author means, almost by definition, that you make up characters and then complicate their lives. That's it, really. You make up characters and give them problem after problem after problem.
-- Maureen Johnson -
You'd been petting a stuffed dog?' she said 'A dead one?' 'It was a really well stuffed dog' I clarified. 'I have seen some bad taxidermy. This was top-notch work. It would have fooled anyone.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I dumped out the bag and found what had been inside was a bunched-up police uniform, complete with the vest. "Where did you get this?" Boo asked. "It's Callum's," he said. "What's he wearing?" "At the moment, not much of anything. Put it on." I noticed Book perk up a bit at this piece of information.
-- Maureen Johnson -
It's us," Stephen said. "Oh, thank God," said a voice. Callum emerged from behind the Dumpster. Even with all that was going on, it was hard not to take notice of this: he wore only his underpants and his socks and shoes. ...I don't think I hid my staring very well either. "Go ahead and change," Stephen said, handing me the bag. "I'll go and get the car." "Please be quick," Callum added. "This is not as fun as it appears.
-- Maureen Johnson -
One question," I said. "Did you tell me all that because you think I'm going to die?" "No," he said. "It's because you're doing something brave, and I felt I should too." "I'll take that as a yes," I said.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Hot tea," he said, holding the cups. "It's just wrong.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I'm the last of the mad ones.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Why Paris? Paris needs no reason. Paris is its own reason.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I like to talk. Talking is kind of my thing. If talking had been a sport option at Wexford, I would have been captain. But sports always have to involve running, jumping, or swinging your arms around. You don’t get PE points for the smooth and rapid movement of the jaw.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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I ran like a thing that runs.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I remember how, at first, I had felt the tension in his lips, as if he was trying to make a barrier between us - then they had relaxed, parted slightly. And that's when I had known he wanted to kiss me, wanted to give in. That little parting of the lips, the little sigh that came out... I would hear that sigh forever. That little, little sound when the whole world seemed to open up.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Do you ever sing in the car?" "Generally not. But I am driving a police car." "I think people would like a singing policeman. Makes life seem more like a musical. Like Foot-tastic." "You can talk for a long time about nothing." "I certainly can, you charming man!
-- Maureen Johnson -
I try to shake it loose-but these ideas, they cling. It's like I'm shackled to them with an iron chain. They rattle along behind me, dragging against the ground, always reminding me of their presence.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward.
-- Maureen Johnson -
There is no normal. I've never met a normal person. The concept is flawed. It implies that there is only one way people are supposed to be, and that can't possible be true. Human experience is far too varied.
-- Maureen Johnson -
I don't know if there is actually more rain here in England, or if it was just that the rain seemed to be so deliberately annoying. Every drop hit the window with a peevish "Am I bothering you? Does this make you cold and wet? Oh, sorry.
-- Maureen Johnson -
This is England," he explained. "Tell someone it's a procedure, and they'll believe you. The pointless procedure is one of our great natural resources.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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Oh, the ongoing love affair between hair and mouths. Hair always goes for the mouth. The mouth opens, and hair says, "I'm going in! I'm going in!" like a manic cave diver.
-- Maureen Johnson -
Life is always going to be a series of ouch-making moments, and the question was, was I going to go all fetal position, or was I going to woman up? I went into fetal position on the bed to think about this. Fetal position turned out to be very comfortable.
-- Maureen Johnson -
What are you?" I asked. "I'm the Ghost of the Night Before Exams." "And how long did it take you to come up with that?" Jazza asked. "I'm a busy man," he replied.
-- Maureen Johnson -
It was as if the news itself wanted to reassure me. Even Jack the Ripper himself had reappeared as part of the greeting committee.
-- Maureen Johnson -
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