Funny Commencement Quotes:

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

- Fred Allen

topic: Graduation, Education, Laughter, Inspirational Graduation, Inspirational High School Graduation

To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

- e. e. cummings

source: "A Miscellany (A Poet's Advice to Students)". Book by E. E. Cummings edited by George James Firmage, 1958.

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Graduation, Inspirations Being Yourself, Inspiring Graduation

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.

- B. F. Skinner

source: New Scientist 21 May 1964

topic: Graduation, Education, Teacher, Math Education, Inspirational Graduation

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

topic: Inspirational, Life, Success, Grad, Inspirational Graduation

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

- Henry Ford

topic: Inspirational, Life, Motivational, Hurdling Obstacles, Making A Fool Of Yourself

The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.

- Sydney J. Harris

source: Sydney J. Harris (1985). “Pieces of Eight Pa”, Mariner Books

topic: Graduation, Education, Wall, Inspirational Education, Inspirational Graduation

The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match. Each one of you is a fuse.

- Ed Koch

topic: Success, Graduation, Education, Memorable Graduation, Inspirational High School Graduation

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Graduation, Education, Time, Unschooling, Grad

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

- Robert Louis Stevenson

topic: Inspirational, Life, Motivational, Interesting Life, Planting Seeds

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

- Dr. Seuss

source: Theodor Seuss Geisel, “Oh, The Places You'll Go”

topic: Life, Graduation, Confidence, Going To College, Seeing Yourself

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

- Judy Garland

topic: Inspirational, Life, Motivational, Inspiration And Motivation, Grad

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.

- George W. Bush

source: "Bad results?" by Nikki Sheehan, www.theguardian.com. June 11, 2001.

topic: Funny, Graduation, Humor, Inspirational Graduation, Inspirational School

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.

- Francis Bacon

topic: Inspirational, Success, Graduation, Inspirational High School Graduation, High School Graduation

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

- Derek Bok

topic: Inspirational, Graduation, Education, Inspirational Graduation, Inspirational High School Graduation

You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.

- Tom Brokaw

topic: Motivational, Graduation, Education, Memorable Graduation, Graduation Day

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

- John Wooden

source: "The Wizard's wisdom: 'Woodenisms'", www.espn.com. June 4, 2010.

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Positive, Best Coaches, Inspirational Attitude

A classical education enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.

- Russell Green

topic: Wealth, Achieve, Despise, Classical Education, Cool Graduation

Nothing worth knowing can be taught.

- Oscar Wilde

topic: Graduation, Knowing, Taught, Grad, Off To College

You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure.

- Zig Ziglar

topic: Motivational, Attitude, Failure, Climbing The Ladder, Commencement Speech

Harry taught me that death isn't the end, it's the beginning.

- Jennifer Love Hewitt

source: "Dexter: Popping Cherry". TV series, 2006.

topic: Graduation, Senior, College, Inspirational Graduation, Memorable Graduation

People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often: And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices."

- Bill Cosby

topic: Graduation, Mean, People, Inspirational Graduation, Commencement

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

- Steve Jobs

source: Commencement Address at Stanford University, delivered 12 June 2005, Palo Alto, CA

topic: Inspirational, Life, Motivational, Interesting Life, Inner Voice

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

- Dr. Seuss

topic: You Choose, Just Believe In Yourself, Inspirational Confidence, Inspirational Student, Inspire Students

At commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards.My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombreros.

- Paul A. Freund

topic: Graduation, Squares, Mind, High School Graduation, Sombreros

If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.

- Robert F. Goheen

source: 1961 Baccalaureate address. Reported in Time magazine, 23 Jun.

topic: Graduation, Education, Learning, Grad, Inspirational High School Graduation

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

- Stephen Colbert

topic: Graduation, Ideas, Next, Memorable Graduation, Life After High School

Openness isn't the end. It's the beginning.

- Margaret Heffernan

source: "Dare to disagree". TED Talk, www.ted.com. June 2012.

topic: Graduation, Senior, College, Memorable Graduation, Inspirational High School Graduation

It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.

- Woody Allen

topic: Life, Graduation, Home, Inspiring Graduation, Seize The Opportunity

What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.

- Eleanor Powell

topic: God, Inspirational Graduation, High School Graduation, Off To College, Motivational Graduation

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

- Beverly Sills

source: "Conquering an Enemy Called Average". Book by John Mason, 1996.

topic: Positive, Shortcuts, Grad, Go Hard, Inspirational Graduation

Go, and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.

- Neil Gaiman

source: Neil Gaiman's Commencement Address at The University of the Arts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, www.uarts.edu. May 17, 2012.

topic: Inspirational, Graduation, Mistake, Inspirational Graduation, Inspirational High School Graduation

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.

- Theodore Roosevelt

topic: Graduation, Education, School, Going To College, Grad

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.

- Roger Babson

topic: Inspirational, Motivational, Success, About Success, Memorable Graduation

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

- Milton Berle

topic: Inspirational, Change, Positive, Self Determination, Live For Yourself

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

- Robert Orben

source: "A Few Tips for the Graduates". The Topeka Capital-Journal, abcnews.go.com. May 20, 2007.

topic: Funny, Graduation, Education, Master Ceremony, Grad

Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

- Bernard Baruch

topic: Inspirational, Funny, Life, Way In Life, Trying To Fit In

The larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder.

- Ralph Washington Sockman

topic: Graduation, Islands, Wonder, Knowledge And Wisdom, Knowledge Gained

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.

- Nelson Henderson

source: "Under Whose Shade". Book by Wesley Henderson, 1982.

topic: Graduation, Tree, Shade, Meaning Life, Arbor Day

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

- Confucius

topic: Love, Inspirational, Life, Daily Work, Young Entrepreneurs

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.

- Abbott Lawrence Lowell

topic: Graduation, Senior, Education, Freshman, Off To College

Now I usually try not to give advice. Information, yes, advice, no. But, what has worked for me may not work for you. Well, take for instance what has worked for me. Wigs. Tight clothes. Push up bras.

- Dolly Parton

source: "Puff Daddy Delivers Howard University Commencement Speech, But How Does It Rank?" by Emma Goddard, www.bustle.com. May 11, 2014.

topic: Clothes, Funny Graduation, Giving, Push Ups, Funny Commencement

The truth is, I was afraid the day I walked into Stanford. And I was afraid the day I walked out.

- Carly Fiorina

source: "Words of Wisdom / This year's commencement speakers offer career advice for tough days ahead" by Vanessa Hua, www.sfgate.com. June 23, 2001.

topic: Graduation, Memorable, Truth Is, Funny Commencement, Graduation Ceremony

Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goals.

- Brian Tracy

topic: Motivational, Eye, Goal, Hurdling Obstacles, Making A Fool Of Yourself

I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which, was that you can fail at what you don't want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love

- Jim Carrey

topic: Father, Doing What You Love, Want, Commencement Speech, Convocation

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

topic: Inspirational, Positive, Graduation, Good Thoughts, Inspirational Graduation

You cannot help but learn more as take the world into your hands. Take it up reverently, for it is and old piece of clay, with millions of thumbprints on it.

- John Updike

topic: Inspirational, Graduation, Hands, College Graduation, Cool Graduation

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.

- Henry Ford

topic: Inspirational, Success, Graduation, Young Entrepreneurs, Make You Think Twice

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

- A. A. Milne

topic: Graduation, Education, Memorable, Winni The Pooh, Winnie The Pooh Inspirational